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my perspective - version two

Posted by albertRoss on Saturday, June 26 2004 at 0:53:28PM



five years ago, i wrote this.


dear parents

what you most need to know about me is that i am a child.

i am reasonably mature, relatively intelligent, articulate, quite
well informed, quite capable of giving and refusing consent, and,
for all that, i remain a child.

this is what makes me paed. not ophile this, or osexual that, just
paed - a grownup child.

and this, to those of you who do not understand, is what makes me
a threat to your children.

i can play better than you can - i can listen and share, laugh and
cry, better and more openly than you.

and your children will recognise me. they will look into my eyes
and know, perhaps without understanding why, that i know them, and
they will trust me.

a grownup who knows once paid me a great compliment - she told me
that i reminded her of the pied piper. this was some time ago, and
the thought has followed me through the time it has taken for me to
understand what i am.

and i have a message for you - a message from one of an entire race
of pipers, and it is this:

get rid of your own rats this time. this time around we will not
do it for you, nor will we lead your kids away.

but remember one thing:

if you don't - your children will follow us of their own accord,
and you will not be able to stop them.

so clean up your act - ok?


and i meant it, too, and still do, although i am no longer sure any self respecting kid would actually buy it, or any of what follows. some of them did, once, though. you have to know me to know what kind of person i am. introduce me to your pets, i will demonstrate. magnetic, i can charm the life in anything. pied piper, i am. or i was, at least.

sorry, i am still pissed about the adults. they do not want me, or are at least quite sure they know better than me, where kids are concerned. what follows is addressed to you, personally - the kids i pulled for, and the young adults of today.

adult, to me, means you got through puberty. young, in front of that, is because you remember what that was about, and are still dealing with it. calling people grownups, in my last rant, is something i am embarrassed about. i think i was about five, in my head, most of the time, back then.

my problem, or specific malfunction, you might say, has to do with the way age works, for me. the older i get, the more interested i become in what you see. as far as i am concerned, in any polite society, the older you get, the further in the back you should have to stand.

i can see over your head, speaking figuratively, from the great height of my accumulated worldly experience.

whereas, you, if i were standing in front of you, trying to tell you what you should see, would not be able to see anything, past me.

and all i can see, for all my worldly experience, is a dirty great mess, and the pictures i like the best are the ones you drew for me, back when you were very young.

adults go to the back of the bus, in my opinion, because i want you to do the driving. i have no idea where we are going, i only know that i want you to steer, or at least do the navigating.

this rant, the new improved (and still utterly retarded) pied piper, is addressed to you, personally - the ones who knew me then, and might be willing to help me now.


dear kids

what you most need to know about me is that i am a fool.

i am reasonably mature, relatively intelligent, articulate, quite
well informed, quite capable of giving and refusing consent, and,
for all that, i am stupid.

is that where i lost you? it is certainly where i lost my fight,
with the adults at large. to them i am definitely a threat, and
you were young enough that you did not see that.

i tried to warn you, warn myself too, that the sex thing was a bit
too much. they did not mind me if i simply kept you entertained,
out of trouble, or out of their hair. they did not want us joined
at the hip, or keeping secrets from them.

but you got to me, i admit that. i wanted to be on your side, to
play with life, and at living, as you did. and i wanted you all
to myself, i admit that too, in a hidden cave in a hillside where
you were in charge, and we could do what you wanted, not what we
were supposed to do.

i fucked up.

i could have had it all. secrets are easy to keep. you showed me
that. you are still keeping yours, i gave all mine away, even the
ones from my own childhood. can you believe that i did it because
i thought the adults would understand, and we would be allowed to
carry on, the way we were?

so look - on my hands and knees, you can sit on my face, if you
want, or beat me with sticks, if you prefer - teach me to keep a
secret? show me what you know, let me love you, and hide me?

trust me, if you can - i will follow you this time - i promise.

the rats are killing me.






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