Intro Post

Hi,

Ive been lurking for quite a while now. I cant remember exactly, but I would say that it has been at least a year, probably a few months more. At the time I discovered GC, I eased into reading the posts. At first I only read the posts that I thought had really interesting topics. After a while I began to recognize posters who I thought were especially insightful, amusing, supportive, etc. Unfortunately, when I really started to get into it, I moved to a place where I was accessing the internet through someone else, and in my paranoia, I didnt get a chance to check back very frequently. This resulted in the occasional GC archive binging when I was in a place with secure connection. I know I missed a lot that way, but it was still better than nothing.

I recently moved again, this time to somewhere where I feel comfortable accessing GC on a regular basis. I went through the ten pages of archives and read the posts I thought were most pertinent to the community to try and get back in the loop. I read a lot of them, and being busy with life, it took me a month or so to catch up. It was worth it though; you guys are wonderful.

So, now that I have caught up, ::drum roll:: I have decided to contribute to the community (the drum roll is more for my benefit than it is for yours, after all, you have been oblivious to my presence). I have decided to contribute for a few reasons:

1) I have the time and home where I feel comfortable posting (maybe that should be two points, but they were both short, and I dont think they warranted giving them their own)

2) I know there are a lot of GLers out there in need of support, and I think anybody who can lend that support should do so. Whether it is a GM that adds a little light to ones day, or a piece of advice in a time of need, or a rant about the injustices that befall us all the time, it helps to drive the movement, and it helps to save the minds and hearts of those like us.

3) I have just recently accepted my sexual orientation. I have been a pedophile all of my life, but I didnt consciously realize it until about a year and a half ago. I am in my early twenties, so I think perhaps it didnt seem so noteworthy to me while I was still in high school. I mean, sure I thought it was a little funny that while my friends were crushing on girls our own age, I was interested in my friends little sisters. At the time I just dismissed it because I had always appreciated cute things that my friends found revolting (e.g. I liked to watch The Powerpuff Girls while they liked to watch South Park). So I tried not to think of it as having a crush on them (which it was) so much as appreciating their personality and therefore trying to spend time with them. Its amazing how our minds will bend the truth like that in order to avoid the inconvenient realities right in front of our faces.

I guess it helped that I am not attracted solely to LGs. Even though I would place my primary AoA at 6-12, I am still attracted to adolescents and girls my own age. I guess I am what statisticians would refer to as unimodal with a high standard deviation (a callout to all you nerds out there). I actually had a long-term relationship for the last few years of high school with a girl one grade below me (1 and ½ years my junior), so that really minimized the influence of my sexual orientation.

Alright, enough of that, Ill put more memories in a future post.

The reason I say I just accepted it, is because I fully realized my sexual orientation about seventeen months ago. At first I was scared, confused, disgusted, (fill in any negative adjective you can think of). I am sure there are a lot of you out there that had similar experiences. It wasnt really that I hated myself, I just felt that I had drawn the short straw on life, and I didnt have anyone to talk to about it. I have not come out to anyone, and likely wont in the near future. I have plans to feel out my friends to try and figure out how comfortable they are with the idea, but that will be a slow and delicate process. GC has been invaluable in my struggle, and I now embrace my sexual orientation. Because I have gained so much from this community, I want to try and give a little back.

4) In the time I have been here, there have been a few standout members of the community that have touched me more than others, and I wanted to give them a BIG thank you, ShadowDweller in particular, whose posts touched and revitalized me. Ill include that in a different post as well.

Sorry about the length of this introduction, Ill try and be a little more moderate in my future posts. I have a lot of pent up thoughts, and I can be just as ranty as the next fellow. It wasnt as long as Azures intro post at least. That was quite the read.

For better or worse, I am here to stay.

~The Captain~