Two steps forward and one step back

The realization was that she was smiling, playing, laughing like a child. Like she should be. The last several times we saw each other, she was different. She was trying to be different. She was trying to be more mature. She was trying to appear older. Wearing lip gloss, padded bra, hair down and styled more like a grown woman. She was trying to make herself more appealing to me, by trying to be older.

But here she was, just a girl, and gone was the attempt to get my attention. And this made me sad. By doing what I was and falling for her, did I just almost steal her childhood because she wanted to be older for me? This is not what I want. I want her happy, laughing, playing. I don't want her to grow up because of me.

I can't say exactly what you're going through.

But in my experience part of the purpose of childhood is rehearsing "older girl" roles by trying them on. You'll find that there's a lot of backing and forthing; acting grown up one moment and retreating into childhood the next.

This continues to go on well into the teens; except that most teen are embarrassed by the "retreat" part and cover it up by getting into arguments or growing sullen. There were times where 16 year old Beatrice wanted to just "be friends" with her 24 yr old BF. Usually followed a few days later by wanting to turn the romance on again. ( Exhausting, desu ne. )

I don't know Emma. I don't know whether she's acting younger because she doesn't want to share her "growing up" with her father the way she chose to do so with you? Or maybe she's trying to reset the ground rules between you to to establish her comfort-zone? Or maybe something else entirely? Either way, I doubt that what you saw of her earlier was "stolen;" even if it was a rehearsal for a Play she's chosen to set aside.

And methinks you need to chose your role with your own kids. To make your daughter into your Confessor places her in a role that perhaps she ought not to be in. She knows her parents aren't perfect. But kids need to have folks who they can take their burdens to who won't unload on them. When Parents try to become peers, the kids sometimes either take on a Parental role or find a Parental substitute. And in the long-run this could interfere with her friendship with Emma. I'd hate for her to give up a friendship in order to avoid being a go-between for her Father.

Dante