'Choose your role with your own kids'

I have to respectfully disagree with you just the tiniest bit, Oh Great One.

We all play many roles every day, no? If Shadow's main role is Parent all should be well and good. But in this particular case the issue is so Huge that not sharing something would be more troubling than the thing itself. In my worthless newbie opinion, anyway. :)

Yes, kids need to have folks who they can take their burdens to. But kids also need to know what's going on, to the extent they can understand anyway, or they get frightened at the heavy emotions that no one will explain to them. And I would think that sharing is what family is all about. If your kids realize that you can trust them with something major I would think it would strengthen bonds, not weaken them. With any luck this is what will happen here with Shadow and Co. (A little talk with your daughter, Shadow, about how you do trust her and want to include her in this important part of your life, a guided discussion if you will, might be a good idea.)

No sense for a girl lover to do something (or fail to do something) that is less than respectful to a girl... I'm probably wrong, I know I'll be all refuted and sh*t, just had to throw that in there.