Relieving some stress

In a previous line of work I had the great opportunity to work with children. However, this is children with special needs I'm talking about, some of which were chronically ill. I felt proud in a sort of way in landing the job. I felt it would be an internally rewarding experience. And it was, in many ways.

Of course there were certain kids I grew particularly close to. And, fortunately, things have been okay for them as far as I know. (This has been several years ago.) But there was of course some heartache and stress to be had. Some people get better at dealing with it, some people just get better at hiding it, but I'm not one of those people. It was too heavy for me which is why I eventually moved on.

Today, I'm 29 and already am at that point where it seems I can remember which year certain things happened by thinking of someone who'd died at around the same time. (That sounds like an old joke grandparents tell but it's true. :S) It seems like I'm losing someone close every year or two now. And it's true, you do get better at dealing with things. Sometimes. Then there are those other times when you just say...fuck it...

Greiving takes on many moods. Of course there is depression. Especially early on. And sometimes frustration and even anger. I'm feeling a mix of this right now. But sometimes, eventually, there is even a bizarre, pleasant feeling. You remember the person, the funny things they did, their odd little quirks, things like that and it brings a smile to your face. You feel lucky to have known this person.

Several months ago I posted about someone I have grown to love a lot. She was suffering with and succumbed to lupus nephritis recently. She was only twelve. I'd known her since eleven.

I was severely hurt when I heard the news. And I know her family is rightfully devastated.

She was a great lover of music, which was the focal point of my friendship with her, and I know there's a few particular songs that I cannot listen to now without thinking about her.

I know there's nothing to change this. But one day I know I'll hear one of these songs and smile.

Thanks for allowing me to vent some stress.