The further adventures in Shadowland

Holy hell what a weekend.

Let's start with the bad stuff.

Another last attempt to pass my gift off. It seems that Emma's phone has been disconnected over the last few days, making phone calls from my daughter impossible. One of my children celebrated a 15th birthday on Saturday, where each of them was permitted to bring one of their friends to a local live theater show that all the girls always love.

The youngest wanted to bring Emma. Who am I do disagree?

But phone calls could not be done. So at a point of sadness to my girl I told her, 'well, let me drive you out there'. A bright smile was returned as she ran out to the car. I went to my room and put my gift in my pocket, planning to pass it to her or leave it with whoever answers the door, had she not been there.

Then Penelope comes running over and asks if she can come too. She does. Emma is not home. And with Penelope's....habits...I opt to leave the gift in pocket. Hope dashed again, and my closure evaded again, my mood downturns.

But we go to the show, have an awesome time, and I should be happy. I am happy. But the nagging thought of how she would be there with us if things just turned out different. If her dad did not lose a job and was forced to move to a more affordable living arrangement so far away. It would be our place she would be at every day. Yet fate twisted it wrong, or maybe right.

She presented an option, perhaps. A life with her that would have eventually led me to...well, you can guess. Or a life of raising my girls and being loved by all the children around me.

It was a choice I could not have made the right decision in, and would have tried both, and lost everything. So perhaps fate is my friend and is looking out for me. Pain will heal, a lost life will not.

But then, with the darkest of moments under thoughts of longing and despair an angel smacks me upside the head and opens my eyes to what is in front of me and what I really am grateful for.

Penelope spends the night (again, I know, nothing new). The girls are playing around, we throw insults around jokingly, she taunts me by sticking a tongue out at me. She was within arms reach, so I grabbed her and held her, telling her I wouldn't let go without an apology. She was on my lap facing out, my arms grasping her as she laughed and struggled.

The feeling came slowly at first, so I didn't know what was happening. A slow warmth on my leg that slowly expanded. The wetness that gave the warmth suddenly registered, causing my arms to suddenly release her with a exclamation of surprise. She jumped up and ran away giggling evilly.

She peed on my leg.

None of the other girls could believe it. I couldn't believe it. I found it...erotic!

That followed with a change of clothes for both of us. Hers was in a tight tank top and very short tight white shorts that she paraded around in for the next day.

She is starting to drive me batty. I start to have desires for her, then I look into her sweet innocent face and those feeling just drop for the feelings of nurturer and protector. It's the paradigm of the emotions that drive me crazy. Yet it is good, because she makes me smile, and that dark mood from Emma's absence quickly dissipates.

One final realization.

A 15 year old boy that hangs around often has taken my notice. I do not like boys at all. period. (for the record)

I have noticed because it is now obvious that he wants my attention. Perhaps he is just longing for the adult attention he doesn't get elsewhere (I hope). He is such a great kid that I encourage him with whatever he does, but he has 'latched' on to me. Asking me to watch him beat a certain level on the most popular teen video game; saying how much he likes my favorite songs. Not sure how to handle this, but after denying the possibility of it for a few months, I am starting to think he really may have a 'crush' on me. I am used to the girls...but a boy? arg