Re: A Tough Step

Whenever I have told someone that I was a GLer I generally waited until I have known this friend for AT LEAST six months (preferably longer) and I made sure that I was really close to this friend and that I had their love and respect. As long as your friend respects you then he should take the news well. Of course, given that he was sexually abused in the past, this may color his perception of pedophilia...he may have the mainstream belief that MAA's are the main cause of genuine sexual abuse against kids. However, if you really have his respect, then he shouldn't panic when you tell him and he should be accepting of you. In fact, this news could go a long way towards helping him to realize that MAA's are not an even subhuman race.

You should probably start by telling him something like, "I know you are open-minded...but it takes a special kind of open-mindedness to understand what I am about to tell you, because the general public has a skewed version of this subject thanks to the likes of Oprah and the rest of the media." Make it clear that you are NOT ashamed of yourself for having these feelings, so he sees that you're confident, and more importantly tell him VERY quickly that you DO NOT break the laws regardless of how you feel about them. This will make it clear to him that regardless of how HE feels about intergenerational sexual activity (he will most likely be against it) you do not cross that line. This will make it somewhat easier for him to accept (I have had one of my friends tell me, regarding my feelings for young teen girls, "...at least you don't act on it"). My friends know that I believe that adults and kids should have the right to have romantic relationships with each other, but it still makes them feel better that I do not break the law (for one thing, they are less worried that I will end up in jail).

One of my good friends who I told about my GL panicked and for a long time she chose to believe that I was just saying that to get attention...she didn't believe that a GLer could be a good person (she never stopped being my friend, however). In time, though, she came to accept that I really am a GLer and that being a GLer and a good person are not mutually exclusive concepts.

As you noted, coming "out" to someone is a big risk...NEVER do so to someone who is a belligerent anti, because they can cause you untold harm out of sheer spite (look at what PJ and AZ do to people in our community completely out of spite and hatred against MAA's). But as I said, if your friend really respects and cares about you then he should take the news okay. Make sure he is not the gossipy type, however, because if he tells a lot of other people you never know WHAT words he will choose to use.