Hookers and Blow : a user's guide.

A few weeks ago it all came crashing down. My daughter talked to me and told me how much she really didn't like Emma, and that she probably won't be contacting her anymore. No doubt to me, this is in response to her discovery of my feelings for her.

Normally, I'd suggest that you... consider the possibility that your daughter thinks Emma's a bitch. I mean, sure, you think she's the greatest thing to have ever slithered out of the ocean and start breathing air... but that doesn't mean the other 6 1/2 billion people are under any sort of contract to feel one way or another about her.

However...

Then a few days ago the girls brought home a new friend. So cute and shy and her giggling made me melt when she saw the other girls play with me. When I was finally introduced to her my heart skipped. Emma. What were the freaking odds? However, I showed her more interest than the others and asked too many questions about her and my daughter decided that she doesn't like her that much anymore.

...this just suggests to me that, well... you fail at being GL. Totally and completely.

Even when the rest of your crew isn't related to you, you don't play favorites on the basis of love. Dude. Serious.

If you can't play fair when you play with them - and if their friend isn't good at sharing - both of you are going to get hated on, and a more maturely-handled alternative will be enforced by the others - even if it steps on the toes of the transgressors.

'n if you reread the criteria, you'll see that this actually is the way it should be. Failing to do that when "her friends" are your own damned daughters is even more fucked up.

You had it all. Girl meets man. Girl falls in love with man. Girl's friends fall in love with man, and a giant polyamorous tribal thing occurs with the girls deferring to the primary in the relationship as a final arbiter in matters of the heart. Man doesn't shut anyone out of the preexisting circle, and both he and the primary had better damn fucking well share, or it's getting axed to maintain the friendship between the girls.

I have no idea what it is about girl culture, but that's the way it works. You're the one who broke the rules. Now face up to it and quit whining like a bitch - hell, your daughters even gave you a second chance. Yeah. Your daughters. Gave you a chance to even like them while spending time with their friend who was the girl you love.

That's... fucked up beyond comprehension, dude. I don't even know how the "family" thing changes the culture, but putting aside the fucked-upness of "you failed to even like your daughters..."

You violated every precept of the culture you were in. Of course that's a problem that's going to be fixed. The group and its members, together, are very good at taking care of themselves and each other. It's what it's there for.

'n incidentally, that means you violated the culture of most of the people on the board you're on. We're just an extention of the culture that made us a part of it - and one which we'd be stuck with even if the natural way of things wasn't the case. ;) I worry about those few others... not in the media-driven "creepy child molester" kind of way, but the same way I worry about other non-GL.

Forget about Emma and try to think about your daughters before it's too late.

I can't talk to her about it, because she is jealous I guess.

Normally, I'd suggest to talk to her anyway, but I'm not too sure of your skills in open conversation and not making, but letting, your daughter talk about anything she pleases.

Good luck.

I guess the help I need is a good friend to slap me in the face and entertain me when the call of the bottle become to great. But I am not allowed friends. The people I call *friend* are...

Penelope.

'n if you shape the fuck up, you might be able to include your daughters on that list in the future.

And I think sometimes she knows with how much she tortures me with her flirting.

You THINK?!?!?!?!

Your friends - aside from putting up with you while you ignore the fuck out of them, 'n that's probably only because they care about you - are not as stupid as you think. Not by a DAMN long shot.

You misinterpreting them is an occasional possibility, and one which should be kept in mind - their not knowing what they're doing and everything that's going on around them is not.

Hell, I almost wrote to laugh at you in your surprise when penelope mentioned what was obvious to everyone. It was sort of an amusing occurance... ;)

I was so proud of myself and so happy when I managed to stop drinking months ago. But what I hid so well was the fact I started again a few weeks after, and haven't stopped.

Yeah, well... least you know you can do it, which means you know you can do it again when you want to.

I can relate to Van Gogh cutting of his ear for love, I would do more.

Knock it off.

Love can be the only hope that this world has - or, it can be an unhealthy and destructive mental illness based in need and craving that counterfits love. The worst thing is that both can occur at the same time, which tends to confuse the crap out of people.

Quit mutilating yourself and suffering for love, and live for those you love, and serve those you love - all those you love, considering your problems paying attention to your own daughters. Love is not "finding one person," it is "expanding the circle of everyone you meet," and if chance chooses to involve a romantic tumble together through the voyage of life in that from time to time, so be it.

Incidentally, so long as your script in life so heavily calls for "suffering for need, which you call 'love'" - you will probably make yourself end in suffering to fulfill that script.

But my girls need me, so I am stuck here.

Let's rearrange the word order on this a bit.

"I am stuck with my girls..."

Is that how you REALLY feel about them, dude?

Perhaps with luck I can get through this and move on after they have grown.

"(cont)...because someone else needs me to fill a role I can't escape."

I don't think that's how you feel about them. Maybe you should do some self-examination, find out if you just told yourself a story so you could suffer more, and a story which is maybe a lot more hurtful and unfair to your daughters than you intended.

Either way... Take care of yourself. 'n try to stick around. Partly because we like you. Partly because, frankly, you're hopeless, and helpless without the guidance of either the 3-5 people on this board who know what this life really is, or else the circle of girls who tried everything in their power to include you as an equal member.

'n that latter one is difficult 'cause they had to probate the hell out of you. Least you have Penelope to take care of you (that IS her purpouse from the group, fool, make NO mistake...) - so maybe she can keep your clueless ass from wrecking your own life/burping too much in public/other things you're too hopeless and need taking care of for...

...hopefully. You do work to present quite a challenge for them to pull off, really...

~sigh~

I have no idea what they saw in you to consider viewing you their equal. I like you, I just don't know what they were thinking. For some reason, however, they did - which makes you my responsibility as well, damnit. Maybe one, or maybe even two, other people somewhere lurking near this board. Damn....

Take care of yourself, okay? Don't give Penelope too much work in your unfortunate self-destructive traits??? Please?

Thanks.