Re: Conrfessions and Lamentations

Hi, Shadowdweller. No need for you to dwell in the shadows alone, as your nick suggests...you have a whole community of MAA's who know EXACTLY how you feel. Almost all of us are unable to find the type of love that we truly want, and society is greatly against us achieving that love, thinking that it's improper and even toxic to those whom we want to love. And I know how much that hurts. It hurts terribly that society is so against the love which is natural to us. It hurts terribly that we must avoid having a relationship with those whom we most want to love. It sucks being an MAA in this place and time. But this is nevertheless our lot in life.

Do you believe that there is a purpose in life, that we are here to learn various lessons? I believe that. If you don't believe that, then I'm sorry to intrude upon your personal worldview. But if you DO believe that, then know that there is probably no greater trial for a human being to face than being an MAA in THIS time period. We are being greatly tested, and I believe that after this life is over we will be rated on how well we performed, and that will greatly affect what our next life will be like. If you believe that life is meaningless, then again, I'm sorry that I contradicted your own worldview (please forgive me especially if you do not believe in reincarnation). But I think learning to find alternative means of love and contentment in this world is something very important for us to achieve whatever purpose we have in life. There is currently no group of people who have it more difficult than we do. As such, we have the strongest type of character of anyone else on this planet. The gay community, for the most part (save for those who live in really bigoted areas of the country), have it easy compared to us. There are many who support their love. To make things worse for us, the gay community chooses not to understand our pain but instead decide to join the many who are against our love.

I wonder, Shadowdweller, since you have kids, is it possible for you to achieve love with an adult woman of legal age? If so, then I encourage you to hit the personal ad's and seek this out. If you cannot, then I suggest that you find a hobby that has an extreme degree of meaning to you and pursue it. My hobbies are what keeps me anchored to the real world, and which get me out of my depression whenever I take a long, hard look at the world and realize that I will never be able to love a teen girl. Also, having your daughter avoid bringing her friends over may be a blessing in disguise, from my point of view. I avoid virtually all contact with teen girls because I do not want to end up developing special feelings for one, which I know will be unrequited by society's demand. The less contact you have with girls, the less romantic entanglements that you cannot fulfill you will end up with.

Finding a good hobby may very well prevent you from seeking out solace in the bottle. I often seek solace in junk food, and I am addicted to that. I know what it's like to have an addiction that is not healthy for you. However, if you found for yourself a hobby that was dear to your heart, perhaps a few hobbies, you may very well be able to avoid the bottle. Everyone in this community is supporting you, ShadowDweller. Know that you are not alone and that there are many who knows exactly what it's like to be forced to hide who you really are from everyone else and to pay the ultimate price simply for wanting to love others whom society deems to be off limits.

Please let us know how you are doing; we will do everything we can to make the bottle less inviting to you.