Agreed

I am only average looking for a guy. Because of that, combined with the fact that I'm so different from the average straight guy in terms of personality and personal aura, I have not been popular with the ladies. But many years ago I learned to STOP basing my sense of self-worth on how many girls or women I can have. In fact, I think that males in general in our culture are conditioned to base too much of their self-worth and confidence on how many sexual conquests they have behind them (of course, I am NOT saying that ShadowDweller or most other GLer's have a desire to sexually "conquer" a little or teen girl in the same sense that typical same age-attracted males like to conquer girls or women in the same age group...I fully believe that most genuine GLer's are, for the most part, unlike typical same age-attracted males in the romance department...but even men who are NOT like the typical conquest-based male persona still seem to put A LOT of self-worth on how many romantic relationships they have, or whether or not they happen to have a successful one in their life at any given time). I learned to base my self-worth on the type of friend I am to those who trust me and care about me, based on how well I conduct the hobbies that I am talented in, and based on my overall ideology of the world, which is a strong belief in the idea that humanity is worthwhile and that the human race can and will achieve true greatness in time (on the other hand, I am NOT saying that those who believe that humanity is inherently greedy, selfish, and nasty are necessarily less of a good person than I aspire to be, though I do think that how positive your attitude is towards your species has something to do with how likely you are to practice good ethics towards your fellow human in a general sense).

As an MAA in THIS society, I learned long ago that I HAVE to make my peace with the fact that I am never going to be able to love a girl under the age of 18, or be involved with one in any significant fashion. As such, I have chosen to stand up for their civil rights, but to keep my personal association with them at a big distance. I know that it's not mentally healthy or conducive to my self-worth to constantly beat myself up over the fact that I can't have the type of relationship that I want to have. I HAVE to settle for relationships with adult women, and I have to do my best to adjust my sexuality to the needs and wants of adult women if I ever hope to have any type of romantic relationship. My road still isn't an easy one...I'm not popular with the ladies in general, so I am often alone, but as I said above I have learned to deal with this. This is also one of the reasons why I DO NOT surround myself with teen girls in real life as platonic friends. I do not like constantly being in the position of growing attracted to some of these girls and never being able to express my feelings for fear of the law and society's reaction. I am not happy with the idea of constantly having to "bite my tongue." I think ShadowDweller should consider this, and so should others who have similar feelings of loss and worthlessness whenever they are in the presence of girls in their AoA who they cannot legally have a romantic relationship with. I DO NOT think it's wise for ALL of us to try to be around girls or to form platonic relationships with girls. I admire girls visually when I'm out someplace where they congregate, and I have a few strictly professional relationships in the youth liberation movement and a few online friendships but that is it. Based on what I have seen, I DO NOT think it's wise to encourage ALL of us to start platonic relationships with girls, especially not those of us who have NOT YET learned to stop basing their self-worth on how many girls in their AoA they have as love interests (despite their inability to express that love in a physical sense). I still hear many tales of bracelets and other jewelry being exchanged (followed by depression if the girl is made to give the jewelry back or chooses not to wear it), trips planned together, social gatherings planned...all of which are followed by posts on the board where the MAA in question states how hurt they are when some aspect of society, be it their own kids, or their YF's parents, or someone else get's in the way of their platonic-friendship-cum-relationship. In this society, someone or something WILL inevitably get in a way of such relationships. We have to expect that and accept that, and stop seeming to expect something more or different. If we put ourselves in a position where we fall in love or develop a strong interest in some girl in our AoA, and we are not the type of people who can accept the very limited nature of such relationships in this society and time period, we have to expect to constantly be hurt, miserable, depressed, and in a state of mind where we indulge in some form of chemical addiction (like alcohol) to compensate for the loss.

For the record, I am NOT saying that ALL of us should stay away from girls. Some people in our community, such as kea and Mesmerised, seem to have a strong sense of self-worth that is not connected to a successful romantic relationship with a girl or who is fully accepting of the limited nature of such relationships, and who feel very happy as a result of having one or more girls in their AoA in their lives. To those people, I say, great...have these girls as platonic friends or "secret" love interests where nothing more than casual hugs and kisses are expressed. But NOT all of us are suited for this.

Personally, I am one of those people who would be hurt, depressed, and frustrated if I had many adolescent girls as platonic friends and I was never able to express my feelings for any of them. Hence, I avoid such friendships in real life, and I have been heavily criticized by some of my fellow MAA's for this. But I do believe there is more to life than how many girls I have in my social circle, or how many love interests I build up in this life. I think it's VERY important to extend my sense of self-worth beyond girls and romantic relationships in general, and I am hoping that others in this community can take this as an inspiration that they are capable of the same thing. If you can, there will be much less disappointment and alcoholism in your future. I'm glad I don't have to make a choice between girls or alcohol as the dominating aspect of my life, and I think even those with a genetic propensity for alcoholism (which I admit that I do not have) can also conquer this habit (I have my own addictions, such as for junk food, that I also indulge in when I'm frustrated or depressed, so it's not like I can't relate to any extent).

StarRanger, thank you for making this post and for expressing this point yet again. I don't think it can be said too many times.