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Solemn Dilemma

Posted by Agent X-Ray on 2008-October-09 19:00:37 EDT, Thursday
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There's been something that's been tearing my brain in half for quite a while now. I'm hoping that some of you here can offer some guidance.

There's a girl that I'm very attracted to (a crush, if you will). She's about 8 or 9 years old and lives a few houses down from me. We'll call her K. I see her very regularly because of how close she lives. She frequently goes up and down the street with her friends or by herself past my house. When I see her doing this I can't help but watch her until she's out of sight even if it means getting up to look through a different window or "just casually going outside for a cigarette". I feel obsessed with her and think about her often. While watching her from inside I find myself talking to her even though I know she can't hear me. Sad thing is, she has no idea that I exist. It's like I'm not even there. I'd like to even just have a light friendship with her or just talk to her, but that poses a few problems.

A young girl being approached by an older male she doesn't know will always be a sort of "red flag". And with that, I wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable and go to her parents and say "The weird guy wants to talk to me." or something. Now, I know for a fact that I'm not going to just come out of the blue with an attempt to talk to her, because of such reasons. Also, I'd have nothing to say to her (save for my feelings about her, which wouldn't go over too well I can imagine). I can only just hope for a chance encounter to be able to have something start.

Now, lets just say that all goes well and we do start up a little friendship. Her parents would become very suspicious of me and it would probably leave my girl friend scratching her head or make her jealous. It's always a mental strain (for me, anyway) having a girl friend but wanting a LG, too. It's just not something I can predict as being accepted even in the form of friendship, especially because of what the media does.

So it's either, risk being shunned by the community, my friends, and people close to me or sit back and watch her grow up without ever knowing her. A safe area between those two things appears razor thin if it even exists at all. I'm just going to have to leave it to chance, I suppose.

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