Re: sad story - sadder comments

It is true that people often make bad choices, and this tends to be true for children and adults both. Nonetheless, it is their choice to make, and no one else's.

In the case of children, I can see reasons for requiring a child to be temporarily removed from a potentially abusive situation, just so they can see what alternatives there are. This can also be good for all parties in such a situation, just so they can take a break from each other for a while. Sometimes that is all that is needed to defuse a bad situation.

All the same, there is only so much that can be done to improve the lives of others. We can try to help occasionally, offer a break when they need one, model better behavior, and provide opportunities in case they want to break out from a bad situation. In the end, however, it is ultimately up to them. If a person is inclined to self-destructive behavior, anyone attempting to help faces the danger of being drawn into the situation themselves.

Of course, the boy you knew was 15 - for all intents and purposes an adult (in any sane society). He was unlikely to change. This is why it is important that children can make these choices right from the very beginning, while they are still open to learning, and before they have accepted their family's bad behavior as normal.

Even so, some children will make bad choices, and in extreme cases perhaps they should not be given a choice, but by and large these decisions need to rest with those who will have to live with them, not someone sitting in judgement at a distance.

We should also keep in mind that many traits are heritable. As much as it pains us, a child is likely to grow up to be like their parents, regardless of the environment they are raised in. Certainly, the environment can play a large role in shaping how those traits are reflected in the world, but there are definitely limits to what can be done. So, in many cases all we can do is offer assistance and then stand back. Perhaps we will see an improvement, and perhaps the case is hopeless. We can only be responsible for own actions, not for the actions of those who are bent on self-destruction.

Still, I would like to see children have more control over their lives, and the sooner the better. The sooner they can make such choices for themselves, the more likely they are to make a clean break with the past. Even if they only manage to take a break from their family during especially rough times, they will be better off for it.