Childhood memory

I wrote this for somewhere else, but I think it is relevant here...

We Could Rape Her

I remember the day very well. My two favorite friends and I were hanging out in front of my house. They were 'D' and 'S', and I call them my two favorite friends because that's what they were. I don't know if they were my best friends, but both were more popular and cool than me, and I liked to hang out with them. I think 'S' even had a BB gun that he could take out of his house to use without asking his parents' permission. We were all seventh-graders. From where we stood, we could see Andrea's house. She was a seventh-grader too, and new to the neighborhood. She was good looking. She had long blond hair, wore tight-fitting designer jeans, and was more curvy that the average seventh-grader. She had breasts! Very noticeable breasts! Most of the seventh-grade boys were hot for her.

So there we are standing in the street, thinking we are all cool, talking about Andrea and how hot she was, and the things we'd like to do with her. We wanted to suck on her tits, and wanted her to suck our dicks, maybe we even wanted to have intercourse with her, but we wouldn't have used that word. We'd have said we wanted to "pork her", or "screw her", or "fuck her", all terms that now seem to me to imply action on our part, and passivity on her part. But we really didn't know any better. I don't think any of us had had any meaningful conversation about sex with someone who actually knew anything about sex. What we knew about sex was what we'd overheard adults saying when they thought we werent listening, or what we'd learned from R-rated movies we'd secretly seen. The idea of sex as a sharing of erotic pleasure with another person was something that had probably never crossed our minds. We were twelve, we were horny, we wanted to have sex, but no one had taught us a damn thing about it. In fact, they tried to keep us in the dark about sex. Were they really so naive as to think that by keeping us in the dark about sex that we'd magically not be interested in sex? The mere fact that adults talked about sex in hushed tones, acted embarrassed about it, and didnt seem to want me to know about it convinced me that sex was something I needed to know about.

And then friend 'S' said, "We could rape her". I think I was a little shocked at the suggestion, but I tried not to let it show. I think I'd heard of rape, and realized that it meant making a female (the idea of raping a male, that such a thing ever happened, had never crossed my mind) do sexual things with you against her will. So 'S' elaborated about how we could take her out the nearby woods and rape her. He never really explained exactly how we'd get her to the woods, or what we'd do after we raped her. I'm not sure I realized that rape was actually a crime at that point, but I knew it was something that would for sure get you into big trouble. I don't think 'D' was very keen on the idea either. His response, if I remember correctly, was like minea hesitant affirmation that, "Yeah, I guess we could, but..." Thankfully, 'S' dropped this idea of raping Andrea and we soon moved on to more benign talk. I doubt I could have participated in this ridiculous plan to rape Andrea, even if 'S' had talked 'D' and I into it. I know I actually liked Andrea, even if I didn't really know her personally. I don't think I could have dealt with seeing her cry because of something that I was doing to her.

I hardly thought of this short conversation again after that day. 'S' never suggested raping any other girl again, and the following summer both Andrea and 'S' moved away. I never saw Andrea again, and I saw 'S' perhaps two or three times during the eighth grade, then never again. In retrospect, I wonder where 'S' got the idea of raping Andrea. From television? From a book? From his older brother? From his father? Do I dislike 'S' for suggesting we rape Andrea? No. Do I think he was a bad person for suggesting it? No. In fact, I feel sorry for him. He was exactly what adults wanted him to beinnocent, which really means he was ignorant and naive. When you intentionally withhold accurate and useful information from someone, can you blame them when what they come up with on their own is foolish or harmful?

zlurker