Frustrations that extend beyond the obvious

Being a girl lover has its obvious setbacks in regards to social interaction... not being able to publicly acknowledge one's affections/desires, feeling awkward around peers comments about older females, etc. But for me the difficulties run much deeper, lately.

My self formed identity as a girl lover has made it really difficult for me to talk about how I am. I can't say anything about who I am, what "makes me tick", or where I want my life to go without having to omit a big part of the story, and feel non-genuine as a result. I've got a line of pretty eloquent sounding BS that seems to please most people... but it still doesn't feel right. The only thing that would feel right (and land me in jail) would be to say, "I think little girls are teh m4jorly sexy." When it comes down to it, that's all there is! All other talents, knowledge, and facets of personality that I possess mean nothing to me without that single fact.

Also, the usual forms of social interaction that most young adult males seem satisfied with just don't cut it for me. Like going to the bar, parties, frizbee, biking, even just "hanging out"... BORING. But of course, that's what everyone thinks I should enjoy doing, and when I don't, well then they think there must be something wrong with me! ARGH, if only there was one person, just one person I knew who would rather play a board game or read a book with a little girl, or build snowmen with some middle-schoolers, or dance with the group of kids at a wedding...

I've tried to redefine my expectations so I can enjoy what I have and not be stuck wishing for what I don't have. But it doesn't work. I've done those kind of things, and its just no comparison. The moments I live for all involve little girls. It's one thing not having many of those experiences, but another when it's not acceptable to say those are the things I really desire to do.