GirlChat #456504


depends on the situation

Posted by Baldur on 2008-December-06 15:48:05 EST, Saturday
In reply to a meaty first time question for GC? posted by Eeyore on 2008-December-04 13:26:22 EST, Thursday

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It all depends on the situation. A girl who is shy and unsure of herself, but not so shy that she would be terribly embarrassed, would likely do well to placed on a pedestal "regularly" - as long as "regularly" is not "incessantly". Of course, one should be fair and also place other children on a pedestal (so to speak) when they deserve it. Praise should go around to whoever has done something praiseworthy - yet it should not be so common as to be devalued. (Believe me, children know how silly the claim is that everyone is "special", and "special" has become an insult. What did adults expect when they named "special education"?) If the praise is genuine, appropriately applied, and not terribly lopsided toward your object of affection, other kids may reinforce it. However, if it looks like favoritism, you won't be doing a girl any favors by singling her out for praise.

In any case, besides the question of the reaction of other children, there is the question of the reaction of the girl herself. Praise for good behavior can be a good thing, and a powerful incentive to behave well in the future - but too much praise can lead to a sense of undeserved entitlement. If a child is praised for every thing they do, no matter how easy - or even unplanned - they will soon expect to have everything handed to them without any effort on their part. This will not be doing them any favors, and will in fact be setting them up for a lifetime of failure. I can't tell you how often I have seen grown men do virtually nothing for a whole shift except complain that they aren't respected enough and aren't paid enough for all the "hard work" they do - which mostly consists of showing up and not going to sleep on the job. (In fact, I have found two indicators that let me know that a worker is worthless: (1) if they brag or complain about all the "hard work" they do, and (2) if they brag about their many years of experience in a job.)

So, please don't let any of the children you know become one of these jerks. Praise is good . . . in moderation.




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