Re: i miss death every day

So you miss death? I'm going to tell you something I never told anyone, so you are the first person.

When I was forced to go on probation I had a fairly cool PO, she seemed willing to work with me. She didn't think having DVD's and Playstation games was a big deal.

Then after just 2 meetings they switched PO's on me, I was subjected to the most cruel rule inflicting bitch you could imagine. She banned me from practically all forms of entertainment. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. All forms of beauty and fantasy were being banned or monitored and I couldn't go anywhere, because it was against the fucking rules.

So in despair I went and bought some sleeping pills, 2 box's of them. A total close to 60. I took everyone of them. I wrote a quick note telling everyone in the legal system how fucked they are and a note to my family. Then I just went to bed a lay down. After a while I started to feel really weird, it wasn't like just getting tired and falling asleep. It was a really awful buzz. Then I had an epiphany, I wanted to live, I was closing in on death's door and did not want to be there. So I got up, my legs felt extremely heavy, I had to find something to grab on to support myself, or I would've fallen over. I just kept walking around the house, trying to stay awake. I feared calling 911 because my PO would find out and I would've been thrown into protective custody.

I walked around the house in this condition for about 5 hours. It was hell, but I did not want to die. I even forced myself to throw up.

After the weird sleeping pill buzz wore off I went to bed. The next day I continued as I was. I put up with the hell of the legal system for 3 years after that. It's over and I'm glad I survived.

So when you think you miss death be aware when you are at death's door it's a different story. It's not a good place to be. Life has it's ups and downs but you only have 1 life. When it's over it's over. There's no turning back.

Find something which makes life worthwhile, even in the most trying times it's possible.

Good luck,

LITTLE GIRL LOVER

Re: i miss death every day - do you? nt