Hi again, Rocinante

I do apologize for the delay getting back to you.

Well, I must say that you remind me of a much younger me. I'm very glad, in a lot of ways, to see that the idealism and fire hasn't been knocked out of you yet - and you shouldn't let it be, either. It would be your greatest regret, if it was.

I really do understand how you feel about this, and what you have said. I have thought about it a great deal.

I very much hope too that your persistance in this isn't to your detriment, but I do have to say, that persistance does have it's limits.

But, I do understand, Rocinante, that you are in love, and that you must feel the way that you do.

You point out that you find Joy's parents concern to be understandable, and you hope to perhaps talk to them and try to help them to understand.

Joy#s parent's concerns, whilst being understandable, are still the product of this mad world we find ourselves in. You asked me, why do I think that Joy's parents are different from F's?

That is a reasonable question to ask. The reason why I feel there may be differences, is that when I entered my relationship with them, they already knew I was a ped - so, there was no need need to jump over that hurdle with them.

Secondly, F's parents, whilst being quite sensible and holding very respectable jobs, etc, do not follow by rote what society tells them to. That is quite unusual in this world, and from what you've told me, Joy's parents don't strike me as the liberal sort.

I may be wrong, and may have been unkind to them. I truly hope that's the case.

I'm afraid that I have to go back to consequences, both intended, and unintended. You are an intelligent lad, Rocinante, so I don't have to tell you that we have to be very aware that whatever we do, even small things, can have effects that are perhaps not what we expect, or desire.

And, when we act, we must be aware of this, and be prepared to deal with whatever consequences occur, even when we cannot guess what they may be. That is our responsibility.

I would not recommend setting out in writing your explanation to Joy's parents. Whilst there is never anything particualrly rational about fear, your father does have a very good point. I can promise you, that your letter will be kept, and even if Joy's parents do accept you, at the first sign of trouble her Mom and Dad will use it against you. So, better then not to give anyone any ammo to fire against you.

Your suggestion of talking with Joy's parents, trying to engage them in a two way communication, is not at all a bad one. At least there, you are trying to be reasonable with them. However, whilst I do very much hope you are successful, please don't be too despondent if this doesn't have quite the result you wish for.

People, well most poeple, anyhow, are the product of the experiences they have, and the time and society in which they live. There aren't many who have the ability to step outside of these boundaries and properly own themselves, and you have to accept that you will be asking Joy's parents to make a huge paradigm leap, into territory that they might find threatening to them.

It's kinda like starting at the mountain top, and speaking to the people in the valley. You may have a fine view of everything, and be able to understand that the valley is just a valley.

To those in the valley, though, that is the only world they know. They can't see what you do, through no fault of their own, and so won't understand you, or believe you.

We must start where others start. You have to go down into the valley, and help them up the mountain. And not everyone is ready for that, Rocinante.

I can give you no firm guidance in that - you will have to judge the matter for yourself. But if you do decide to talk with them about the feelings that you and Joy have for each other, and about who you are, and what you stand for, don't become angry with them if they don't understand. No-one can ever force anyone else to follow. You may have to accept their way of thinking, my friend - not because they are right, but because they have might, the way things are set up. I'm sorry about that, dude, but...

Make your point, by all means, but be prepared that it may have unforeseen consequences. I can well see why you might be scared of being open with them. It would be extremely courageous of you if you were, I promise you. But, discretion really is the better part of valor.

You are wise to not want a secretive relationship with Joy. I think that I will create some ire amongst my comrades here on the board, but Joy is young - secrets are fun. But, as soon as risk becomes involved, a secret can become a heavy burden, that takes its toll. I'm not sure she is aware of this.

I would warn against any secret relationship - you'll be sailing into dangerous waters there, you have my word.

Rocinante, things can twist and turn, and become things that you never thought they could be. I really do advise real caution with all of this.

I understand entirely that you don't want Joy to live in an emotional shelter. Personally, I wouldn't wish such a fate on my worst enemy. But, it is her parents who are in charge, for good or bad, and I'm afraid that they will call the shots on that one. That's a reality that we have to face, regretably.

You are wise to take things slowly - that's always the best way, on the whole. But remember, no matter how slowly you walk by the precipice, it will still only take one wrong step to send you tumbling.

You say you feel that you must act at some point. Rocinante, I understand entirely why you feel this way, but hasn't it occurred to you, that doing nothing, is also an action? Don't be afraid to pause in order to balance yourself, whenever you need to.

I'm writing this knowing full well that you will do as you wish, and so it should be, as well. You'll learn nothing listening to an old fart like me, and you must make your own exprience.

But, I still hold to the advice I gave you in my last post, which has maybe been refined, if I'm ever so lucky as to do that, in this post. In short, I urge caution on your part - test the ground beneath you, before you tread.

I hope that this helps you, my friend, even though it's confused and jumbled. If I could be, I'd be there with you. Please keep us posted, and as I said before, if you need support, you will have it right here.

Good luck!

Hugs,

Tril.