Re: Repost deleted server

My advice will sound similar to Trill's but for slightly different reasons.

I myself fell in love with a 13 year old; though she was 14 by the time we declared our mutual love.

Beatrice and I met at a nerdfest we both frequented. And to both her friends and my friends it was obvious that we were madly crushing on each other. In fact there were only 2 people oblivious to this; Bea and I. But finally her GF took pity on us and broached the subject.

So we finally declared our feelings. And then we finally bothered to ask, "So, how old are you?"

It seems that each thought that the other was 18 ( Eurasian girls tend to be small.) And each of us guessed wrong by 4 years to either side.

It was beautiful. And I've never loved anyone as deeply since.

However, the secrecy from her parents killed the relationship.

Not directly.

We were never found out; except to her kid brother, and all our mutual friends.

But like Trill said, her life at that age is not her own. There is a psychodynamic that sets in called Limerence. Limerence is the obsessive worrying part of Love. Limerence thrives on uncertainty. And it fans the flames of passion, but only at the expense of unhinging its victim.

The classic advise of "playing hard to get," is a perfect example of using Limerence to drive the beloved crazy. Uncertainty can drive lab animals nuts too for similar reasons. If a button delivers food reliably the rat only presses it when they're hungry. If the button never works the rat gives up. But if the button works some of the time, the rat becomes obsessed with button-pressing.

But Beatrice wasn't "playing" hard to get; she was hard to get. If her folks decided to go to the beach, its not like she could say, "My secret boyfriend and I are going to the movies that afternoon." So I got stood-up, a lot. And while her apologies were sincere; the emotional rollercoaster pushed me to heights of rapture and depths of despair.

I won't lie. The highs are remarkable, because they are a function of the lows. But ultimately this crazy feeling comes between you and the remarkable girl who loves you. You don't want to be the guy going through crying jags. And she doesn't want to be the source of your pain.

I had hoped that Beatrice was the one for me. I had planned to wait for her. But ultimately I had to break up with the cutest girl on the face of the Planet in order to keep my sanity.

Fortunately we transitioned into friends. We've lost touch, and regained it after a long absence.

Both of us have been married and divorced. We both have struggled with our weights after we lost touch. But on many other levels we have grown together too. While I am open to the possibility of a romance now, I doubt it will happen.

And Bea is one of the few outside of my family I have come out of the Toybox to.

However, Limerence drove a wedge between me and a delightful teenager who I loved and who loved me in return.

She did nothing to stoke the flames of Limerence. It was simply the inescapable result for us of carrying on behind her parents' backs.

Your mileage may vary. But that's my experience.

Dante