I am saddened by your loss, but I agree: it is not about masculine or feminine, but about making the bullies stop.

It is notable that many of the most peaceful countries are among those with the highest rate of private ownership of firearms ⚠️ ↗, though also included are some nations that have recently concluded civil wars. Serbia is rated high, but I have been informed by Serbian friends that few people owned firearms before the war. Naturally, they did not turn in their weapons when hostilities ceased because they realized that they may need to defend themselves again.

There is a reason why early production model revolvers were called "Peacemaker" or "Equalizer". They allowed a shopkeeper or a little old lady, or even a child, to stand up against bullies and outlaws.

Along the same lines, there was a discussion on Slashdot some years ago about bullying. The posters there are self-described nerds - who are hardly the "masculine" type - and many of them were bullied in school. What was their consensus on how to deal with bullies? They had tried being peaceful, or asking the authorities to stop the bullying, or responding to hate with love - but all those generally made things worse. They said the only thing that worked was hitting back as hard as they could. Bullies don't listen to reason or pleas for kindness - most only change their behavior when they are given no option.

Now, there are many reasons for bullying, and occasionally a show of human kindness may stop a bully - but that is a rarity. More often, a carrot and stick approach may work - offering forgiveness and kindness if their behavior changes, or pain if it does not. But generally speaking, when a victim responds with kindness or compliance, the lesson the bully learns is "bullying works" - and if they have a successful strategy to get what they want, why would they change it?