goodbye, hello, and them

I was for a long time on alert about the LGF. In the middle of her glorious tween years, I knew that same as she had been the very image of reliability and niceness for the last, two years or so, that it could stop being so about anytime, if and when she decided that she no longer wanted to be with me. It was a day I always feared, and which I have always tried to delay. The fact we didn't see each other every day probably helped keep the closeness alive, as sure did the fact that I could relate to both the preteen before and the tween now. (And surely the teen later, I still think)

But it was a bit without warning.

The last few times she spent less and less time with me, leaving me to wonder why. I cannot conclude conclusively, but the preponderance of evidence leads me to believe that someone doesn't want her hanging around me, and I think the likelier is her dad. After several weeks of her reducing the time she spent with me, the logic was taken to conclusion, with her just not being there last week. It's not the first time she skips a week, but never had it apparently had a pattern any time before. I really think this one is the different one. Half confirming this, the twins, her cousins, who have never been so frequent as her, don't really seem to be behaving differently and did so just the week before last - without any seeming difference. Part of me wants to be the same I was for the LGF, now for the twins, if so it leads me to. (And I honestly think the twins are prettier, if not as fun and smart) Part of me knows I wouldn't feel right; not because the twins wouldn't deserve it or want it, but because they would remind me of who is not there.

I got a new crush all right. I always do. But it is not about that.
It's about the new cut in an already veteran heart.

I've been playing with my dolls.
(It's a Moxie and a soft doll. Both very much to my girl liking, even in outfit.)

That was always going to be a good idea: I had not taken care proper care of them for some time, and they missed me.

But it's a better idea now. They soothe me and care that all of us are happy. And caring for them and cuddling them is incredibly mentally healing.

And so now I closed another chapter.

Only God knows when the next will be opened.

k.m.v.p.y.s.m.a.g.a.f.k.