Helping children recover from sexual abuse.

NOTE: When I say sexual abuse I mean actual forced sexual contact.

This is just me typing down ideas. Feel free to tell me I am wrong about something and let me know what you think.

It seems to me that therapists have it ALL wrong when it comes to helping kids recover from sexual abuse. The first problem is they will treat the child like "damaged goods". They act as if the child will NEVER be able to fully recover and will ALWAYS have horrible memories and flashbacks etc. This is a widely held belief. Some go as far to say that they'd rather their child be killed than molested. Utterly insane, I know. Personally, I'd rather be raped in the ass than murdered. I feel, before therapy and hysterical reactions, most children would choose the same.

In my opinion therapists need to focus on empowering the child. Helping the child to understand why the action was done to them. Let the child talk about the abuse. Bottling things up is never healthy. I remember watching a video on child sex abuse in a child psych class. The therapists would often try to keep the child from talking about the abuse. The rational is that the child will become re-victimized by the memories. A silly notion.

Society NEEDS to change it's views on sex. When kids get beat up they don't have horrible memories and severe emotional issues the rest of their life (not I am talking about one time occurrences in this paragraph, not chronic instances). When a child gets molested they shouldn't be carrying around horrible scars the rest of their life for one moment. The reason this happens is because of societies already negative views of sex combined with the thought that children are "pure" and thus tainted by sex. The child will pick up on this. So it goes from, "my Uncle touched me down there it was icky and he got in trouble for it" to "I was so damaged by the actions of my sick uncle and now my life is forever tainted and ruined. I can never recover."

For chronic cases of sexual abuse a more careful approach needs to be taken. Especially cases involving incest (father/daughter). These cases have been shown to be the most damaging of sexual abuse situations. It is likely because of the breach of trust and likely sociopathic behaviors on the parents part. I think here it is important for the therapist to let the child know that there is something wrong with the abuser. Maybe the abuser was abused themselves, or they have a malfunction with their brain. Either way it is important to let the child know that it wasn't their fault AT ALL.

Explaining sex and the sexual organs is important. I am astonished that this is NOT done with victims of abuse. Often, regardless of whether the child consented or not, the genitals will register feelings of pleasure, even possibly during violent assaults. Explaining how the genitals work and why it felt "good" is CRUCIAL. It is also important to show the child ways to gain these "good" feelings through masturbation and positive actions. Otherwise the child is left confused.

Sexual abuse often causes the child to become sexually promiscuous at a much younger age than they might have normally. An understanding of the sexual organs/sexuality and a sex open society will make this a non-issue. Currently is IS a huge issue. These people (mainly girls) will often be insulted because of their desire for sex. Whore, slut, dirty, etc.

It isn't the fact that it is sex that makes the abuse damaging. It is the fact that it was forced on the child. Anything forced on a child will have negative effects especially if something positive as a result can't be proven (vaccinations have a positive effect of preventing disease and death). Getting sodomized against ones will does not.

Making these changes will reduce the harmful effects of sexual abuse and prevent lifelong issues from happening. In my opinion of course.