Sometimes

I go through fits of mild depression (I was last year diagnosed with dysthymia, which I'm still not sure is related or not to my condition) where I hate everyone for not being able to be open about being minor attracted and then later deciding that some people aren't that bad, even if they're incredibly paedophobic.

Even though I've never come out to anyone, when I talk to some people, I feel like they understand. Sometimes it's just a fleeting feeling in response to something they say, and sometimes it's just a feeling I get with that person. I suppose this is just something that happens with human interactions, I'm still fairly new at the whole social intercourse thing.

I've found, though, that you can actually get away with quite a lot of "jokes" because no one actually believes paedophiles exist. Unless you have a criminal record, no one is going to think that the person they are talking to is actually sexually interested in kids. I make questionable comments about kids on occasion, but maybe it works for me because everyone is used to me making these comments about everyone. There's a persistent joke among my friends that I'm a paedophile. A while ago, a friend had put pig tails in my hair (I have rather long hair), in the sort of style an eight year old might wear, and another friend said "you look like one of your lovers". Of course, she doesn't know I'm actually a paedophile, but she's okay with making jokes like that, in a non-pejorative way.

So, I don't know. I really don't know if these people would get it if I told them. I still don't know if it's worth risking everything to find out. But for now, I have awesome friends, even if they might hate me if they really knew me.

Oh well.

That's just enough of my life to hopefully remain anonymous.