You are a good person.

The fact that you are even thinking about this and it is distressing you shows that you do care and have concern.

I went through this too at one point. I worked through it. I see our situation as similar to the homosexuals, no matter how vehemently claim it is not the same (bullshit).

If you are caring, loving, and respect the rights of others, then anything else society says about you is bullshit.

I love my attractions, I embrace them legally. I bring so much happiness to the lives of little girls (hell people in general) I am an amazing person, YOU are an amazing person.

Dark hole? Not really part of you? Lusting? Don't use the negatively loaded words. Being attracted is not lusting and shallow "checking them out" admiring their beauty, even sexually, can be respectful depending on your state of mind. Do you see it as sick and twisted and wrong? Like so many do? Or maybe like me you just see it as admiring beauty not everyone sees. I am not looking at an object but a human with multiple facets. Her physical appeal but one of them.