I am officially in love with her.

I love a lot of people, I love a lot of little girls, but it takes more to be in love with someone. For me at least. It has only happened a few times in my life. The last one was maybe four years ago.

Today, Thanksgiving Day, I had a surprise GM. I mentioned before how I wasn't going to have one, but the universe decided to throw me a bone. I have talked about this girl before, her name is Q. She is seven, lovely, amazing, sweet, fun, independent, and full of life.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. First I was just sitting on the chair, joking with relatives and having a good time. I hear the door open and see her. Our eyes met, "Hi (my name)!" She says while running over for a hug. Of course I kneel down and give her one. Her soft hair brushing on my face and smelling very fruity. She was wearing a purple t-shirt with pink tight cloth pants.

It didn't hit me yet though.

She needed help with homework and her mom asked if I could help her. Of course I said yes, I helped her with her work. Reading to her because she didn't like the story but eventually she started reading to me. I explained what words meant if she didn't know, or tell her how to correctly pronounce words. She was writing down answers to questions and said, "Give me your hand." She took it and drew a heart on it. The cuteness was unbearable!

Our eyes met again and she smiled and suddenly I was floored. Holy god I love this girl so damn much. I am head over heels in love with her. Her beautiful silky hair, bright shining eyes, lovely smile, and the cutest dimples. She is so smart and friendly. She is nice and loving. My heart was pounding. I opened my arms and she flew right in them giving me a big hug. Then we got back to her homework (that was anti-climactic eh?).

We chatted about different things, school, movies, sports, tv. These conversations were hardly one sided. She was as interested in what I had to say as I was with what she had to say. It was so much fun.

I decided to pull out my camera. I wanted a picture to remember this day as moments like this don't come often. I asked her to smile. She looked so smart and cute with her glasses. She wanted to see the picture. She likes to bend and twist with her legs so I pointed out how twisted her legs were in the picture. It looked funny so we laughed. She decides to show me a trick she knows. She takes both her feet and puts them behind her head. My god in her tight pink pants it was... well very hot to say the least. I literally stuttered, "w..w..well that is really awesome" but I had to follow up with, "ya you can put your legs back now." She just giggled and we got back to her homework.

When it was time for me to leave she came running over and covered my face with kisses. We hugged, probably longer than what would be a *normal* good bye. We were both genuinely upset to see the other leave, but we knew we would see each other again. I love her so much.

It is interesting to note, these interactions happen in front of her parents and other adults. I don't hide or sneak. I am doing nothing wrong but expressing love. Granted I am incredibly well rounded. I have many legal aged sexual partners and sometimes it becomes more than that. I have many same aged peers (or older) who are friends. Q's mom and dad always remark on how much she loves me.

You know, it really does suck when one can truly comprehend having a gift and a curse that are intertwined. One does not come without the other in our social climate. This profound love I feel for her. How can anyone consider me a monster? How can anyone try to tell me I am just being nice so I can abuse her? The things I would do for her. The hardships I would go through for her or to be with her. Sacrifices I'd make for her. This is love. This is what heterosexuals feel for each other, what homosexuals feel for each other. How is our love worse? Fucking tell me how?

I know children can be fickle... well fickle isn't a word I'd like to use, it carries a negative connotation. Children change their minds a lot. They change frequently. I don't want to marry Q, I just want to be with her as much as possible. I don't want to smother her with attention, but I want to be there when she wants me. When she moves on (as has happened to me in the past) I will be happy to let her go, hopefully my love will have showed her how she deserves to be loved. I will have given her so much happiness and I will continue to do so when she is older. We just won't be "in love" anymore. That's okay, tis the life of a paedophile.