Re: I'm in a really reall shitty mood right now

I find it highly ironic that because of the way things are children probably (because there is no objective research done I can't say for sure) mainly have sexual relations with mere child fetishists or abusive assholes.

Although that is the intuitive thing, I don't think it is all that likely.

It is sure that, of all sex with minors (variable M) a higher percentage today is from abusive or fetishistic sources (variable A) than would be the case if it was legal - in which case a lot more would come from loving or at least externally respectful pedophile sources (variable L).

In essence,

M = A + L

Laws reduce L and therefore probably reduce M, but they increase the percentage of M which is A, at the expense of the percentage which is L.

This is a little bit further complicated by the fact that there is a proportion which is sexual contact between peers which might not belong clearly into the L category but which is also not really into the A category. It is unclear to me what effect laws have on this variable (S, for same-age), if any.

M = A + L + S

But although I think it is certain that L decreases under illegality, I am not sure that A increases, or at least not sure that A increases by a similar amount as L decreases.

For instance, place yourself and your own life history in parallel in a universe where sex with minors is legal. If today your total number of instances of L is zero, you would probably be facing an increase. Under illegality, L(AK47) = 0, and under legality, L(AK47) = l > 0 ... But that doesn't mean that the minors in this universe that you didn't have sex with, are instead having sex in an A setting. Some of them probably are, but most of them, I guess, would simply be virgin for longer - maybe not all the way to Magic Age, but still for some time, maybe years, after they would have had sex with you or any other loving pedophile.

Essentially, I don't think all the missing L goes to become A. Or even S for that matter.

And, as for the subject matter... I share most of your feelings. I hate that I am hated, and I hate that our haters don't make the slightest effort to understand us. I am jealous of those who are actually "living the life" - though, if consensual, I don't hate them. In a Marxist way, I even consider them necessary - we do need people that break the law (both in contact, KP, and solicitation) just as much as we need people that never did. Both have a different and complementary revolutionary role that the other, precisely because of their actions, cannot play. (Of course, recognizing their revolutionary role soothes me rationally but doesn't completely eradicate the jealousy). And yeah, I do hate rapists and would waterboard them and drone them - because they are the open pretext why I am hated and the kids oppressed. And I do regret that I might die without ever tasting the rainbow.

But then I tell myself that history will remember me much after they have forgotten my haters / the children's oppressors.

And that each of my crushes and loves, even if it none ever gets to the next level, through me will live forever.

Hugs!!!!