Re: I get what you are saying.

I really like ice-cream. For a long time, I would eat some every day. Eventually, I realized that I was addicted to it. I wanted to stop. I discovered that I could not. I was devastated. I demanded that I stop. Yet, I did not... could not. My first reaction was to self-terminate. I pondered the decision, found no way out of it, and proceeded to execute that decision and, thus, myself. (A funny use of the word, that way, eh? :-P )

Obviously, I did not succeed.

Both failures angered me.

At the time, I was a practicing Christian and I cried to my, then, God to stop me -- to do what I could not.

The police found out about me. I pondered their reaction and decided that this was "God's" answer to me. It seemed like a good solution so I allowed the police to have their way with me. I could have walked away from it many times through the years. Yet, I stayed isolated. I agreed with it. For me -- and my addiction -- it was the right thing. (Today, I am not so controlled. Thanks be to whatever.)

This was MY solution to MY problem, however inspired. Yes, it was "bullshit" and at times frustrating. But I chose it.

So, no, I am not an abused pedophile. The Man didn't rip me away from my wonderful life. True, he has done so to others. Just not me. So don't feel bad for me.

The love for a child -- for anyone, for that matter -- is a gift that one person can have for another. A treasure. Anything done out of love and is mutually consensual is right and proper. My problem was that what I wanted was consensual but self-centered and I didn't want it any more in my life.

Today, society insists on its way.

Spock: ... Were I to invoke logic, however, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
Kirk: Or the one.

I, the One, would disagree.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.