I'm sorry it took a bit for me to get back to you on this, as I wasn't able to visit the board yesterday.
To begin with, you never have to feel bad for being angry over this situation. The sitch under which we MAAs are forced to live today is difficult in many different ways. We live in a society whose normative values indoctrinate people into finding our natural attraction bases to be revolting, and our entire culture is in near-complete, culturally imposed denial of the attractiveness of any girl (or boy) who is under a specific arbitrary age (despite much evidence that it clearly knows better). Those of us with an attraction base that goes in a certain direction can clearly see how illogical this is, but this legally and culturally enforced lack of logical thought when it comes to this subject is able to be successfully imposed upon society by tapping into a powerful emotion centered around the Victorian paradigm of the "child," and we all know that emotion trumps logical thought any day of the week.
Not being able to have the type of romantic relationships that are natural for us is very difficult to live with. Anyone who thinks or suggests that it's easy to live without having the a full romantic relationship with those whom we love and admire the most are consciously overlooking the great importance of this particular type of love throughout human history, and how much of all cultures are built on this powerful type of love. Literature and art through the ages are filled with the recognition and galvanization of romantic love, including the sexual side of it. Other types of love are also wonderful and important, of course, but they do not detract from the importance of romantic love to the human species.
Nevertheless, the need to focus on other things is essential to us, despite the extreme difficulty in doing this. We have to be much, much stronger than the typical teleiophile in order to survive in this society and time period. We have to strive for a higher form of existence than them, and we have to learn to manage our natural human needs and desires in ways that they more or less never have to be concerned with. Despite these difficulties, the great majority of us remain people of good character who learn to live socially productive lives under incredibly difficult circumstances. It's perfectly understandable that we periodically get very frustrated, and sometimes totally pissed off, at this state of affairs. The way society treats us simply for having these feelings (which none of us chose to have in the first place), and the degrading types of paradigms it imposes upon the groups of people we love the most, add a huge amount of insult and additional pain to what is already a major injury with a lot of pre-existing pain.
Never feel bad for getting angry at this sitch from time to time, or coming to those who understand you for support when this happens. But always strive to put that anger into perspective, and to focus it into positive outlets rather than ever allowing it to consume you and possibly cause you to forget the person of great character that you are.
As for the thing about CP, I commend you for not straying outside of the law due to the consequences that could ruin your life. However, I do want to point out that I stand behind my firm commitment that CP is not filled to the rim with filmed scenarios where children or adolescents were literally raped or otherwise abused on camera, with the rare cases when this has happened usually being the handiwork of unscrupulous parents, and not the MAA living down the street, or some faction of organized crime. The cops can make these claims or implications all they want, but we all need to be suspicious over the fact that they refuse to allow anyone other than themselves--including some objective non-MAA journalists--to view the material so as to verify these often extraordinary claims and rumors, and we also must consider the lack of honesty from LEAs [Law Enforcement Agencies] when the truth may stand in the way of lucrative career opportunities, huge government expenditures, and increased police powers over society. As such, I encourage you to read these two essays on CP that I composed for much more detailed discussions of all of these issues:
Why Child Pornography Should Be Legal ⚠️ ↗
Why The Legality of Child Pornography is Relevant to the Youth Liberation Movement ⚠️ ↗