I do understand you, my friend. In many ways, I am different from the typical member of the MAA community, also. But I have learned that many of these differences are gifts to be embraced, not an albatross to abandon or a curse to suffer under; it's all a matter of perspective.

Secondly, I am a type of hebephile known as a taftohebephile, meaning that I am very much a young adolescent on the inside of a 40-something-year-old man's body ("tafto" being a Greek term meaning "identity," which means that, when used as a prefix or suffix for hebephilia, roughly translates as "youthful adolescent identity"). So, I have no doubt whatsoever that such a thing as a "taftopedophile" can exist, and you may not be as alone as you think, my friend. After all, I can identify with where you are coming from :-)

I understand how difficult it can be to get the help you need sometimes, and for it to appear that no one understands you, and to feel that you are something like a misfit amongst misfits. But there are those who will understand, and I have always thought you have immense potential. There are many misfits among misfits out there who are proud to share a world with you, and many "ordinary" misfits who will see the value of what we have to offer. Being different grants you the ability to see things from a unique perspective, and that makes you very important to the world, and to this community. If you ever feel suicidal, you have me and the rest of the community in your corner to remind you how needed you are, and how much you benefit the world. If you ever need me outside of the board, do not hesitate to write me at: dissident57[AT]fastmail[DOT]fm, and I will respond ASAP.