Re: Grow out of attraction

My understanding is that most people try to make the relationship work for as long as they're able to, fully expecting to stay in it for the rest of their lives.

You try, but you fail.

It is good to try, but there is a point when you're both better off admitting you failed.

They don't get into a long-term relationship thinking, "Well, I'm going to stop falling in love with her in 3 or 4 years, probably causing her a great deal of pain in the process, but what the hell, eh?" Well, maybe men do that all the time; I wouldn't doubt it.

No they don't. I am back to what I already said: they are just deluding themselves.

I sincerely believe most are honestly self-deluded and not intentionally evil. But any sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from evil...

Is it really any wonder why women think men are dogs? It's because of crap like this.

Mh, no, it's because men lie way before they get into a serious relationship - especially if/when "easy" sex would be involved.

I sure as hell wouldn't want to do that to a girl I loved. I would stay with her as long as she loved me, regardless.

I have stayed. They have left.

It would be intentionally stupid of me to think that the next girl will be different.

But the current and the next and the next one and the one after, I will still love her as if they were going to last forever; I just already know that it will not be so. It would seem to me more manipulative to emotionally extort her into staying with me when she no longer wants to using the weapons of "you said it was forever". She might have said it was forever. She might even have meant it at the time. Well futurologists and sci-fi writers also meant it at the time when they wrote that about today in 2011 we'd have permanent lunar colonies, or that overpopulation would be causing famines even in developed countries, or that robots would be more important to our daily lives than computers. No harm in dreamy eyed believing it at the time and hoping for the best; but there'd be a lot of harm if you invested into it like it was proven and unquestionably true.

You can't tell me that most people here couldn't make it work if they really wanted to.

Yes, I am telling you exactly that. No matter how much you want to you cannot change other people, and even changing yourself takes a long time.

See, this is why I find most traditionalists to be hypocrites. They make this huge holy deal out of the sanctity of marriage for others, and then they take it for granted in their own lives.

What is this talk about marriage? Neither the question nor most of the answers (zlurker's the only exception) even talk about marriage!

You talk about marrying girls here all the time, but marriage apparently means very little to you.

Yes, and temporary marriage is legal and regulated in Shia Islam.

But it is still a very different thing what I dream of and what I know is real.

I dream of marrying a little girl. I know I will not. I dream of us not being discriminated, marginalized and criminalized any longer; of paeds and girls being together and being sexy together. I know that's just a dream. I will never stop dreaming about marrying a little girl. But I have already realized it will never happen during the time I am awake. I can tell apart reality from dreams.

Or maybe not. Maybe I really am a butterfly.

Personally I think marriage is artificial and unnecessary if you really love someone,

It's necessary because it fixes things through the contract (eg, inheritance and insurance). And precisely because it ends. If love really was forever, there would be no need for marriage because no couples would break. Because love ends, people need a contract that allows a neutral determination of rights and responsibilities present at the dissolution of that marriage, one which does not depend on the mental state of both parties at the point of dissolution, but at a more sober instance.

You aren't talking about a risk; you're talking about a near certainty that it will end for you in a few years, and you're playing with her heart in the mean time. Every game of chance has risk involved, but you are loading the dice against her and that is not fair to her.

Well in that case don't do it.

It's a perfectly legitimate choice too.

Who was it that said MAPs are the only real romantics left?

I don't think it was me.

Sure I am more realistic now; but that's still an exaggeration.