Me some too

I also knew that I didn't fit-in from well before I felt any form of sexual attraction, nor had any sort of sexual activity ( aside from the level of libido that constitutes "background radiation." )

Part of it is being an identical twin ( might as well paint a target on the tyke. ) Part of it is being the sole little Atheist among various Christians ( which might explain why my closest friends were Jewish. ) And some of it might be from having a live-in absentee father ( he accommodated my Mother, but never really knew how to relate until we had interests in common. )

If I was going to try to find one "origin moment" I might pick any one of these at random. But we also know that some aspects of character are present from infancy. And I was shy/risk-aversive from the git-go.

Had I lived among Freudians, I'd be conditioned to look for some Mama-trauma or toilet-training issues ( THAT'S there too...... ) But in our era its CSA. And according to some of the founders of that world-view; not remembering any episode of CSA proves that ours was much worse than that of those who remember theirs.

If a single-incident-explanation would actually improve my life, I might be tempted to seek one out. But I can find little evidence that those who have an origin-story actually live a better life in the present than those who lack one and soldier-on nonetheless.

Dante