A story

You want to here stories eh? Well I'm on the ROS for looking at nude pictures.

First of all when the LEA paid me the visit the knocked on my door so hard they cracked it. They played the good cop bad cop game with me. They dug through everything in my house and there was nothing I could do. Even in the report they had they twisted everything.

When the bastards read my Miranda rights it was the most surrealistic and scary experience I've ever had. It was like a horrible dream and it was just beginning.

Then I had to get a Lawyer. These bastards are not really your friend but unfortunately you need them. They are expensive and will try to work out a plea because the chances of winning a cp case is next to impossible. The evidence is right there. There's really no way of fighting it. The only way out at this point is hoping the Lawyer can find something the LEA did wrong with the search. So after spending well over $10,000 dollars on such a simple case I took a plea. A few days in jail and probation certainly sounded better then 10+ years in prison if I lost and I would've.

After the sentence I had to meet with a P.O. She/he seemed ok at this point. The rules weren't to restrictive and she/he seemed like someone I could work with. I had to go to jail on work release for a month or so. This while boring and humiliating (showers in front of everyone, no privacy, guards watching over you all the time, and searches every time you came back from work)was the easiest part.

When I was done with jail my P.O was changed.(a different one) She/he was an absolute asshole and made a list of rules that was multiple pages long. Very restrictive rules which enabled me to do next to nothing. So after I got this draconian list I tried to kill myself. I took close to 60 sleeping pills.

I survived obviously but the rest of probation was a nightmare. House searches at first once a week, finally towards the end only once a month. I had to go to treatment at first once a week. These were more trying to scare you into not committing a crime again. They treated everyone pretty much the same, everything with directly from the psych book. It basically made everyone who was a pedophile or someone convicted of a crime involving in children was someone who was into power and control. The only reason why we were like we were is because we cannot communicate with women and have poor social skills.

Since children a powerless we can dominate them. This was the basic mantra the psych squawked. There was no arguing this point. If you did you would be perceived you were fighting treatment and you were in jeopardy of being kicked out of the group. Then you would have to deal with your P.O.
If you were kicked out off to jail you go. then you would have to deal with the judge. He may send you to prison for the whole sentence imposed on you. So it was in your best interest to play the game and agree with the psych. Unless you wanted to end up in prison.

I played the game and had no marks against me. I followed the rules. I was one of the few who didn't at minimum have to spend a weekend in jail. I never missed group. Paid my fines and obligations quickly.

I even tried to get interested in women but to no avail. Being attracted to young girls will be with me for life. I certainly will not have any relationship with one. A little girl in the flesh right now scares me. I don't dare look for any of the Lolita modeling type sites anymore. Getting caught with this kind of content will not be an annoyance. It will cost me my freedom for at minimum for 20 years. Life for me will be basically over.

Right now my only obligation is the RSO hit list now. Even though my sentence and probation are over I still have to pay them annually and keep them notified of my whereabouts. If I move I must notify them or risk a huge fine and prison. It would've been less restrictive if I committed any other type of crime. If someone was a murderer he would get more respect out of the system then I do. Looking at nude pictures (similar to Playboy and Penthouse) is such a horrendous crime I must be monitored.Drug sellers, murderers,and other who committed acts of violence are lessor risks to society then someone like me? Sure they are.

Being on the ROS makes me cautious like I've never been before. If there's a knock on the door especially one that's more of a bang I get scared. When I get home I scan the yard to make sure nobody is lurking. I've made myself not to look like a victim. Someone who you normally wouldn't mess with. I lift weights, wear Harley Davidson leather. I do not associate with people and keep to myself.

In fact I hope nobody tries to mess with me. The anger and hate that's built up in me would be unleashed on that person and I might do some serous damage. I do not want to do that but if I need to protect myself I will.

I used to like people, now I now I really don't. I trust really no one. The majority of people seem to hate pedophiles. I cannot hide this fact because there's an idiot at work who makes it his responsibility to tell others about what I did. But since he doesn't know what I did he makes stuff up. He tells others I had pictures of kids getting raped. He thinks I was into boys. Some people think anyone who is a pedophile automatically thinks you are into boys. I find that offensive. I'm hetro and only like females.

I would like to do something about it, I would love to be able to kick his ass without consequences. But if I do, i lose my job and go to jail. So I bit my lip and take it. It really sucks how much ones life can be changed by looking at pictures of nude children.

LITTLE GIRL LOVER