Re: I feel like I'm two different people sometimes

Baldur put it well.

The fact that you are even having this problem shows that you are not a monster. You are not sick or twisted. You care about little girls. Let's be honest, you do want sexual relations with them. Most of us here do. That does not mean you do not care for them, love them, wish them happiness, and want to see them happy.

Typical heterosexuals/homosexuals want to have sex with whoever they are attracted to. They also care for them. Wanting to have sexual relations does not make it so they don't care for them. In fact sexual relations can enhance this care with the mutual sharing of pleasure. Sadly in our situation we cannot really do this because of the society we live in.

There are people who are attracted to children who really do have problems. The ones who want to hurt or abuse children. Force them to do sexual activities. Those people have something actually wrong with them. It may not be their fault but it is not something to ignore. Everything I have read from you shows that you are not that kind of person. Redcocoa you seem very caring and loving. Concerned with being happy and the happiness of others.

Feelings of inadequacy are very normal. I must admit that in all my awesomeness I too feel inadequate at times. I am a cocky conceited asshole and there are even times I feel like I can't do it, or I am wrong or doing it wrong. You have to accept that though. You are perfect and you will mess up or make mistakes. You can't expect to run on full all the time. That being said if these feelings are very pervasive it might be good to try and work them out.

I used to accept my paedophilia but I thought all sexual contact with children was harmful. I realized that those ideas were rationalizations. The idea that children can enjoy sexual activity would shatter my world view, even though as a child I enjoyed sexual stimulation with another child. After we were forced to stop I sought out other opportunities to do so. I watched porn at a young age (7-10) and loved it and wanted to join in. Even with the males though I am not homosexual. All of that personal evidence but I denied it and insisted something was wrong with me. Luckily I was never religious or that would have added another barrier to get through.

You know what was my turning point? Years ago I watched a documentary on child prostitution. The investigation crew went into a brothel. One man comment that the girls were excited to see clients and compared that to the excitement his kids had at thanksgiving dinner. Another commented later on how rescued kids would often go back to prostitution.

Sure, these kids were excited to get money for food, the girls ran back because, let's face it, prostitution is easy money. Thing is these kids were not living in horror. They were not so scared of sex. They wanted to continue taking part to make money. It wasn't a big deal to them. Though I am generally against child prostitution even in a world that is open to adult/child sexual relations.

Further research on the Newgon wiki is incredibly helpful too. They have testimonies, studies, research.

The Rind Report also helped me to realize that I was debating for the truth, not my own rationalization.