Re: a fear i have........

thanks man!! it's crazy you reminded me of the site i made!! i forgot all about that tho....was that the one they kept taking down because of the content i had posted or something??

anyways, yeah the things that i have said about my real life are always in conversation with ppl...like "i'm really tired right now because i work over night now" things of that nature.

and i appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt with my gf being a gl and us having a kid.

i mean it's not like she even knew what a girl lover was when i talked to her about it....i just knew the type of person she was(and by this i mean desperately in love with me) so i knew that if i told her either 1 of 2 things would happen either she would be upset and not be able to handle it, yet not "out" me, cuz i know she is not that type of person...or 2 she would just accept and love me still....

i was actually wrong tho....there was a 3rd option that i really didn't expect...she likes younger girls too. at first she talked of how she was not so attracted to girls younger than 13-14...but then i started showing her pics and she began to open her mind to it a bit...now she is full on pointing out super young girls all the time and showing me pic's she's found online, lol.

also, i want to say my gf and i are not living some fairy tale life....we fight every single day.....she is dumb sometimes, not street-smart yet thinks she knows everything, unappreciative, stubborn, lazy, won't get out of bed before noon, lies all the time(well i'll give her credit she's gotten better at the lying thing), picky, sneaky, moody, bitchy, rolls her eyes at me constantly when i'm trying to tell her something, interrupts me every time i'm saying something important.....

i have honestly broke up with her like 100 times in the 6 months we've been dating....but then she cries her eyes out to me and refuses to leave so i take her back as long as she proves to me she is willing to improve on the areas i have concerns with.

basically i have told her from the first day we started hanging out that i have control issues and we will never be more than friends with benefits...but over time she begged and pleaded with me that she wanted more....so i told her if we were going to be official there was only going to be one way....my way. and if she ever decides she does not want to do things my way she has the right to leave. i know that sounds harsh but i have control issues and i know that, and i give my self credit for being honest with her about it....she doesn't have to stay, she does because like she says i am the best thing to ever happen to her.

i'm not mean or cruel and when i say my way i don't mean she waits on me hand in foot...i just mean in certain situations if i decide something needs to be a certain way than it has to be that way.

and we have instances every couple of days where she proves once again that when she does it her way things get all fucked up.

for instance last week she had a job interview...i would not be home when she had to get up and would not be able to call her so i recommended she set an alarm to make sure she is up(because waking her up is like pulling teeth, she said don't worry i'll be fine, i can wake up when i really want to)....well she didn't take my advice, over slept and missed the interview....which is fucked up because i'm working full time paying for hair to be done and buying her clothes for these interviews and job searches....plus we have a kid on the way and both need to be working while she still can.

i swear she is like a kid sometimes....she won't do something just because i tell her she should....anyways then we get in a big fight and i have to punish her, like give her a list of chores to do around the house. it's fucking ridiculous i know, but to me it is the only way she can prove to me that she respects and appreciates me....she always has the option...do these things that will prove you do appreciate me....or leave.

i fully believe i am the best thing to ever happen to her....i treat her like gold and have given her all the thing's in life she has ever dreamed of, a loving bf, no longer being lonely, direction in her life, a stable place to live, money, clothes, affection and now i've even given her the child she always wanted. she knows that i am way too independent to ever be in a relationship with someone who does not appreciate all the things i do....i'd rather be alone and happy than that!

with all that said...i know she loves me and i love her...and i am lucky to share a special love with her for lg's as well!!

anyways, i am so sorry for rambling on about this but again i am trying to be more "real" when i speak to ppl as oppose to just talking about all the good stuff that sometimes makes me seem too good to be true.