I'm sure most people here are aware of the condition known as gender dysphoria, which is medically described as a person of a particular gender who is in strong disagreement with their biological gender being their natural physiological and psychological state of being, and perceiving themselves as being naturally of the opposite gender. As such, they develop a strong inner identity as being of the opposite gender as defined by the culture in which they live (which may be an indication that the state of being they find themselves in, while likely having a biological/neurological basis to it, is also largely defined by the attitudes and expectations for the gender roles and social characteristics expected of each gender that are dominant in their particular culture). Anthropological studies have indicated that gender dysphoria has always been with us (and accepted in past cultures), and some of the more liberal nations in both the East and West of the modern era have not only begun to accept gender dysphoric people's neurologically and psychologically chosen identity as a valid state of being, but can also perform major surgical and chemical alterations to make the person physically resemble the gender they overwhelmingly feel to be natural for them, provided some rather stringent psychological and social criteria and evaluations are first met.

Of likely more relevance to our community is another type of 'dysphoria' that has not been explored or even considered nearly as much as gender dysphoria--but which nonetheless exists, and can have a strong effect on how the people who experience it relate to their culture, and how the expectations their culture has based on chronological age, rather than gender, have on them. That is what I call here age dysphoria, for want of a better term, and it's been ill-explored even in this community, which I find surprising considering the focus of our attraction base. This too little explored topic is of great interest to me on a personal level, since I am among those members of our community who have an age dysphoric identity.

Is this inner state of self-identity I describe a delusion on my part, as some of the less than amiable and open-minded people in the community have accused me of before? I say definitely not, as it would only be a delusion if I literally believed I was a young adolescent boy, and actually thought I saw myself that way when I looked in a mirror. However, that is not the truth. I am well aware of the fact that I am chronologically in my early 40s. Though I look quite young for my age, I know that I do not look 14 years old. I am well aware of what it's like to have to live and work in the adult world. But on the inside, I see myself emotionally and socially reacting in the way a young adolescent boy [AB] would. Though I love and cherish my friends in my own general age group and even those who are much older than me, and though I do not think the adult 'section' of our heavily age segregated society is all bad, it nevertheless does not feel like "home" to me. I have a strong yearning to be able to be a part of the social world inhabited by tweens and teens, a world now entirely off-limits to me due to my chronological age, and society's expectations that I only socialize with people who are not "underage." In fact, this society of ours even frowns on me hanging out with people in the 18-20-something age range, insisting by decree that we must have no common interests upon which to build either a friendship or a romance. Therefore, I'm supposed to find it distasteful and "beneath me" to have any interest in the world of "young" people, and I'm supposed to have specific social, romantic, and emotional needs and interests that correlate with what society seems to have cherry-picked for people in the "approaching middle age" demographic. Unfortch, I do not fit this profile on the inside. It doesn't come off to me as a "choice" or as an attempt to recover lost youth as part of some sort of "mid-life crisis" you always hear spoken about. It's not something typical at all, but it's a sense of psychologically internal form of self-identification that I have always had. But how can it be described for psychologists and sociologists to fully understand?

In a nutshell, it's a strong inner feeling from an emotional and social standpoint you never "grew up" past your early-to-mid adolescence, according to our society's definition of what is considered "grown up." Though I realize that the near-impenetrable social and legal barriers separating the age groups in our society is more or less entirely synthetic, I still wish I could spend substantial amounts of time in that other social world now off-limits to me, interacting with the youths who inhabit it in every conceivable way as a peer, not as some type of authority figure, i.e., an "adult." Yes it does directly connect to my attraction for young AGs, since I do want to be able to date them and interact with them romantically, and participate in all the fun social activities they do together with each other and ABs, albeit as one of them. This includes social activities such as trips to the mall, taking in movies, and exploring life together as if it's the truly grand adventure that it is, a facet of life not lost on most people in that age group, but not seen as such by the vast majority of people in my chronological age demographic who are fully socially and emotionally integrated into the "adult world."

Is this age dysphoria typical amongst MAAs/MAPs? In my long experience as a member of this community, no, it isn't. I have met a good number of fellow hebephiles, both GLers and BLers, who have made it clear that their inner identity is commensurate with their chronological age, and they perceive their inner selves as being in harmony with our present society's conception of being an "adult." The same goes for many pedophiles I have met, and it's quite possible and not uncommon for MAAs to see themselves as fully integrated members of the adult world despite their great emotional appreciation for the entire social world of the respective group of youths they happen to be attracted to.

Hence, I consider myself, and others like me, to be what I have termed after some research a taftohebephile, the term/prefix tafto being a Greek word translating as "identity." Hence, a taftohebephile is an Adolescent Lover (either a BLer, GLer, or bisexual "both-lover" in this manner) who specifically has the type of chronal-dysphoric, socio-psychological characteristics that I have.

As one may imagine, difficult as it is for all MAAs to deal with this stringent age segregation and the current laws and societal expectations regarding what we "should" or "shouldn't" want or have as our emotional and social needs based solely upon our age, this factor is particularly distressing for the taftohebephiles among us. That is because our entire inner sense of social identity and emotional constituency is cut off from its natural environment, and essentially forced to spend all our waking (and sleeping) hours in a foreign environment. It's a foreign environment that most taftohebephiles can function within in a completely professional manner, and I view it as an interesting and eminently important place to visit, filled with certain people whom I love and cherish and would spend time with regardless of how our society was constructed. But it's filled with social expectations that, while I can generally meet, are not "natural" to me. Whenever I do appear to fit in, it's only by going through the motions of doing so because I have no other choice in the matter; I "can't go home again," as a real life friend of mine once quoted to me during a discussion on this. There is no technique known to medical science as of the second decade of the 21st century that can restore the physical youth that my inner self matches, or at least create the appearance of it, so that the outer coat resembles the inner being (and of course, such a procedure would probably be illegal in our modern society were it actually available anyway for a few obvious reasons).

What situation do I believe would be ideal for one such as me? To have a foot in the door of both worlds, rather than being continuously confined to just one--let alone the one that does not feel like "home" to me. There are undoubtedly many advantages to having access to the adult world as an adult, including what passes for full civil rights in this country at the present time; the ability to make my own sexual choices (except with those who may be under 18); the right to choose any type of beverage I may want to consume; and the capacity to be taken seriously by others, including those in power, at least potentially, when I speak on social and economic policies. But since these rights could potentially be extended to adolescents with relative ease, this advantage is a synthetic one, despite its great importance. I feel as if the adult world is the equivalent of the average adult's workplace, and the youth world is the equivalent of my home that I return to after punching out of the time clock at my job--only I am unable to leave the workplace. Instead of leaving there, I have to set up a cot and hang out there 24/7, never able to go home again, and only catching furtive glimpses of my true place in the world when I have the rare privilege of observing AGs hanging out and being themselves when I happen to be in one of the relatively few public places in society that people of all ages are able to frequent simultaneously, such as the mall, movie theaters, concerts, amusement parks, and shopping markets.

The furtive glances of AGs being themselves, and the ABs lucky enough to be able to interact with them without causing alarm or turning suspicious heads--or lectured on how it's "inappropriate" for me to befriend those girls, let alone date them, as equals--are all I know of a world I truly belong but have left behind forever. And while I smile when I see these glimpses into a world I feel, deep down, I truly belong but am no longer able to enter as a member of the house--because I find it an awesome experience to see AGs being themselves, and I'm in awe of them on many levels as people--the experience is often accompanied and particularly followed by one of great sadness when the societally constructed reality, which I am always well aware of, suddenly gets thrown in my face in a hugely distressing way.

There is more I could say on this issue, and I'm sure I will in the future, but for now I don't want to make this essay any longer than it already is. I will close out by once again lamenting how the phenomenon of age dysphoria is badly unexplored by the social sciences in general, and we currently have no idea about certain factors such as how prevalent it is in the overall MAA community; what strategies such individuals have most often adopted to adapt to their psychological circumstances; and if any believe that therapy from an open-minded and knowledgeable MHP [Mental Health Practitioner] would help them deal with their situation--not to "cure" them, but simply to help them live a productive life and to achieve some measure of happiness by coming to accept their circumstances.