I have age dysphoria too. (My rant)

Hopefully most of the people know here know that I like to identify myself as a kid, and not as an adult. I also prefer the words "boy" rather than "man". Most kids would not have a problem with these mature labels, but I do.

I also hate kids unlike most of the people on this board. I hate all of the attention and love they receive. I hate the fact that I hear on the news like "50 people died in an accident, including 12 children." That really pisses me off seeing how I feel like I'm less important in this society. I don't give a shit how many children were killed. I care how many "people" were killed. As you can probably tell, I'm extremely jealous of the other kids.

I don't like the fact that the kid gets all of this special treatment. It disgusts me how the kid could murder and people would actually feel sorry for the kid. However, if I could perform cunnilingus on a little girl and people will believe that I deserve to suffer for the rest of my life. What a cruel world! Your kids are not more valuable than anyone else! Do you know how a sensitive kid like myself would live in prison? I would totally fall apart in there. My friends and family would also suffer greatly. Of course this society doesn't care about the feelings of adults, especially the child-like sensitive types. Sadly, there are many members on this board who have the same unjustified position that I hate so much.

Kids are not more important in this society, and they are not "innocent." None of that has been proven to be true. They certainly are important, but they are not MORE important. When I was a child biologically, many kids treated me like total shit. Many kids can be little demons, but many of them can be sweet.

Being a kid in an adult body and also being sexually attracted to other kids has been somewhat of a struggle. I've had the desire to find an intimate partner for a long time, but I can't have one. I've never even had one before! I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl!

I am afraid and disgusted to approach a young girl, especially being around her parents. I hate parents so much! It disgusts me how they value their kid so much and just treats me like a piece of shit. Some of them would not hesitate to report me to the police if they suspected that I'm being a little too intimate with their little daughter. How can they be so fucking cruel? Do they know the consequences of their actions? Do they really know how much I'm going to suffer if I got locked up. What about my friends and family? Parents are just selfish pricks. They just want to lock me up! This is why I cannot be around them and their stupid kids. I call the kids stupid because they don't even have the intelligence to rebel. The parents dogmas can be shoved down kids' throats too easily. When the kids grow up, they will just hate me and see me as an evil person. What about all of the love and happiness we shared? What about our first kiss? What about that beautiful love letter I wrote you on our first anniversary? You were my first love!

I also cannot have an adult girlfriend. In a decade, I thought about finding a really hot 18-year-old Russian or Ukrainian girl since my favorite LG/AG models are from Russia or Ukraine; I also like a sexy foreign accent. There are many hot available ones. In my state, most women are fat and unappealing to me.

However, most women don't want a boy; they want a man. I'm sure I can find some women who will accept it though. I cannot fuck her because of the idea of pregnancy, which I find incredibly disturbing. I'm still trying to figure that part out. Wearing a condom and birth control is not going to be enough. I need to be 100% certain that pregnancy will not happen. What if she is a pro-lifer nut? The only option is castration. You have no idea how much I hate the idea of having offspring. I'm not going to conform to society's standards. I couldn't focus on the kids. I certainly could not put them "first", and I wouldn't want my girlfriend to put them first. I want my girlfriend to love me, and I want to love her (just the two of us). When I look into her eyes, I want to feel like time stops. I want this feeling to last forever.

How can I live as a kid forever? I can't possibly see my body deteriorate without being depressed. Although I'm still biologically young, I can't even take the slightest signs of aging. Even the idea of growing pubic hair really upset me. I have to remove my body hair. How will I be able to look into the mirror 20 years from now? The only hope is the exponential growth of science and technology will provide a solution. If not, I'll have to step in and invent something. If I still don't have a solution, then I will definitely off myself.

By the way Dissident, I wish you would have mentioned my name in your essay or in a separate post. Thanks for writing about this topic.