Ahem . . . Hey HOLLYWOOD, I'm talking to you!!!

. . . you are hereby officially on notice. For the last twenty years at least, you have been producing a steady stream of watered down, cookie-cutter, Grade Z bullshit more often than not. You've become a commercialized cesspool of glittery trash, a self-parody at best churning out a load of canned propaganda, Disneyfied versions of the American Dream, and kitschy, artless bilge. You have become creatively bankrupt, rehashing the same fifteen or twenty stories--repackaged and spit polished--over and over again. Moreover, you've turned a once magical and inspiring experience into an endless series of explosions, retarded soundbites and godawful PC detritus. Face it, you lost your edge long ago. Despite all that, we have been more than forgiving of your decadence and moneygrubbing, and you have continued to make tons of money and stay well afloat in the recession.

And now, you have the audacity to threaten lawmakers, in an attempt to bully them into passing horrible laws that will essentially choke the life from the internet, by openly admitting that you will stop bribing them if they don't pass the laws you want? Holy freakin' hell, have you got some cojones. Get this straight: you are far too bloated and absolutely green about the gills with money to worry about a little bit of piracy.

Well, I've got some news for you, Hollywood. Your days are numbered, and I can't wait. I am positively giddy with anticipation, because you see, not only are you well on your way to becoming irrelevant, your distribution model is archaic at this point. Fewer and fewer people are willing to pay $10 a ticket (not to mention another $6 to $8 for a drink and snacks) to sit through this mess you call a movie, especially now that they can buy the DVD at nearly the same price and watch it on their big screen TVs at home, or better yet, stream it on their computers. And they WILL find a way to get around these stupid laws you so desperately want passed, so the only thing you'll manage to do is piss everyone off.

So here's the deal, Hollywood. I don't need you. I could spend the rest of my life not paying for another piece of the offal you call a movie. There are tons of foreign and indie films that are much better than almost everything you've put out in the last thirty or so years, not to mention plenty of books I want to read and no doubt more coming down the turnpike. And if you piss enough people off, you will sow what you reap. So get a grip, sit down, and your pie-hole.

Oh, and Washington? The gig is up for you too. This guy just openly confessed that they bribed you and now they want the quo you promised in exchange for their quid. It's been an open secret for decades that you guys are getting paid under the table by lobbyists and others whose interests you are meant to uphold. But now the whole world can see it because this asshole said it right out in the open. So you'd better get your shit straightened out, because if you don't, we'll find a way to phase you out of existence too.

Sheesh, can we just burn both Hollywood and Washington to the ground and start from scratch? Because I'm getting awfully sick of all of these greedy turds. Seriously.