Cheeky devil, aren't you?

You keep us waiting almost beyond human endurance to hear from you, not knowing if you had been dragged into the bushes and raped by a pre-teen girl gang, or if some little girl had sat on your face and suffocated you, or if you had a heart attack during an orgasm, or if you had eloped with some pre-schooler, or were legally married in some place where March-December marriages were legal, or if you had simply succumbed to ennui and were spending your days reminiscing.

Then you make this outrageous post without so much as a by-your-leave to your old tried-and-true compatriots and fellow travelers, which leaves me just one thing to say to you:
Welcome Home!