Oh, don't worry.

See, I'm just not sure if I WANT to get off this stuff. That's the problem. If I wanted to, I certainly COULD. But I know I wouldn't enjoy life as much. And I don't know how I'd handle my tormenting thoughts/memories.

The last year I've done a week with getting drunk every night, only to quit for 4-5 months. Quitting is not really a problem. It's adjusting to, and enjoying life afterwards. When I stop drinking for such a long period, I end up telling myself "Good, I'm not a drinker anymore"... then when I start again, I have to live with the guilt that I started again.

5 or 6 years ago alcohol and marijuana were a way of life for me. I was doing one or the other every single day. But I quit those cold turkey. So quitting is not really the problem. I don't have an issue with doing that when I *want* to.

I won't smoke marijuana now... simply because I hate the stuff. I wouldn't smoke it if I could. And I've never done other street drugs, so I wouldn't bother with them either.

I only plan on getting drunk like once a week, and maybe having a drink or two every night. But there will probably be short periods where I don't drink anything.

I just don't know how I will enjoy life if I'm not doing any of these things. No smoking, drinking, pain killers, etc... I don't know how I can be happy without these easy escapes from reality.

Your information does help some. I'm just in a big identity crisis.