I get it

I get it, totally. Not so much the drinking, but the smoking and drugs. I went through it. I only just quit smoking about a month ago, and gave up the drugs a few years ago. It wasn't easy, and the temptation is still there. I think MAPs are particularly susceptible to addiction because of the huge stresses in our lives. I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as a few other issues, physical and mental, and I won't lie: the drugs helped. But eventually I realized it was a habit I couldn't afford. I am nearly 40 years old and have nothing to show for my life.

Personally I think drugs should be legalized; some people can handle them and some people can't, but regardless, it should be our right to destroy ourselves if we want to. But I never used enough to be self-destructive, just to help me deal with the pain and anxiety. I still struggle with that too. It never really gets easier, but you learn to live with it because you have to.

Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do here. As long as you aren't hurting anyone else in the process, then you have to decide if the costs and the risks involved outweigh the benefits. But be sure you aren't lying to yourself about that either--set your feelings aside and look at it analytically. That's all I can say, really.