Battle Readiness

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Nobody's Home, Avril Lavigne

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Innocence, Avril Lavigne

The Twins did something. I wouldn't (and didn't) even say it was something bad. I mean, it's bad. But I chose to emphasize what I think was just as important. It was something stupid. Moronic. Idiotic. You name it. They got a school punishment that is harsher than they've ever had before. And frankly, they got off lightly. I may have said it was something more stupid than it was bad, but I know if I had been in charge of punishing them, I'd have been even harsher. It's deserved. But after being told off by a variety of adult authority figures today, they were dejected when they saw me. So I respected their space. Until we sat down to eat.

I knew well that the last thing they needed was another scolding now from me. It wouldn't do anything anyway - not anything that the words of others wouldn't have done already. So I was frank. It was bad and wrong, yes. And even more than it was bad and wrong, it was stupid. Please have judgment.

I had to open them up little by little. But I did. The dejected faces turned to fake smiles, those to true but faint ones, and then those to real ones. That's grooming, in one paragraph, for all of you reading. Yes, I groomed them. Yes, it's that easy. Oh well, maybe it's not easy for you, but it's so natural for me, I can't even help it.

I learned a lot of gossip. Necessary gossip too, at least some of it. Sigh. It's true. The Other Twin finally accepted to me that her attitude is a defense mechanism. (Like I didn't know already.) But gave a lot of insights into how and why. And well, yes, My Twin needs to take a page from her playbook. Not the whole book, but a page or two certainly. They reject to share a boyfriend. They know what it's like to be told "you're too young" to date me. But My Twin continues to be sometimes a little bit too needy. Not always. Not in ways that would be destructive, not yet at least. But even this is, to me, too often for comfort. Now you made me decide definitely to outright ask you this Alice Day. By the way, Goddess, you looked great today!

I had a lot of plans for Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Subject a lot to other things happening which may or may not. The grounding they're getting, on top of the school punishment, may prevent it. I'll try my best to talk their mother out of it. I don't think they failed to get the lesson learned. Maybe I will even try to get a friend to talk with them. A friend that has some relevant experience to what they did. In any case, I made sure to remind them of a point they forget easily. That whatever they are doing or did, they didn't do only to themselves, but to Mom too. Sometimes they forget. Though I can't be overly surprised.

The Teen, oh gawd, oh her, she is still a headache. She does she know what she wants? It may appear she does, but if she does as appeared, she's going about it in most unusual ways - and it's not a good choice anyway. And if she doesn't OK, no, I can try to explain it. But it's not about that. It's that, no girl don't do that, just don't!

Option A is wrong for her and self-destructive. Option B is wrong in context and self-destructive at least in context.

There's a damn lot I have to talk with her. A lot. But it's not about that either. It's about her listening. I have for me that I am not Mom, or a relative. I will also have for me, when we start talking, how exquisite a groomer I am. I will have against me that she doesn't really have any incentive to listen. But nothing to lose is also another word for freedom. That may be the trick and the blessing in disguise.

There is an Option C. I know she doesn't want it. I certainly don't want it, too long to list all the reasons why I don't. But, well, it is also wrong and it is also self-destructive.

So I am the advocate for Option D. But I can't choose for her. I can take her to the water, and I will do my best to lead her there, but it's her who has to drink. Pray, people, pray that she drinks.

But, again with the big picture, ultimately how can I not see what they do see? How can I think the Twins wouldn't actualize things around them? How can I pretend they'd be immune to the preschooler's tantrums and moods? And to the Teen's running in circles around a target that she doesn't even really know where it is? I wasn't wrong; it's just that I hadn't seen that. Now I see it. I'm stronger for that. Readier to fight. Because a fight it is.

And in the end the Twins asked me if I liked a certain two girls (yes) and who best among them (I chose truthfully) - yes, they trust me so much. "I think she's very pretty" "But she's not prettier than us!" "Of course not! You're prettier than her!"

The goodnight kiss from My Twin I felt was closer to my lips than usual. I don't know if it was my imagination, a fortunate coincidence, or that she is telling me she is ready for battle. If so, we must all fight. From now. And for that, we need her judgment to be at its best calibration. I hope they got it from what I told them. We'll see this weekend.