If you raised them from infancy to approx 4yrs, then lack of attraction is to be expected.

As to amount of control, that varies from parent to parent. But while I try to refrain from unearned authority as much as possible, I have little room personally for those who try to parent by choosing friendship over any other role. Friendly, yes. But its not always possible to avoid the tough choices. ( Then again, we might hope that OUR friends would sometimes value our safety over their role as buddy. )

Though the issue of authority ought to also be of concern for nonfamilial authorities too.

I'm a big believer in kids' lib. And I think that most of the effective techniques involve treating them like people ( what a concept. ) But at some point, kids want to know that you will be there for them even after a friend would have given up. They also want to believe that you can keep a comet from smashing into the Earth. And like it or not, they need both the support and the superstition. ( Though a responsible parent doesn't try to encourage the Ghod complex. )

Guess what? This is for life. You can fully expect a tear-filled phone call from your married adult daughter asking for advice on some stage of life she's just breached.

Our youngest was living with her father, and our oldest was living on her own. But Janie's first thought on 9/11 was to call her mother. ( None of us was anywhere near an airport or the NE at the time. But still, parent for life....... )

As for the confluence of practical approach AND lack of attraction; a lot of Peds also arrange their lives so as to avoid opportunities for the actions they would prefer not to choose against. THAT works too.

"To thine own self be true," as the wise man said. I think it was Yoda ;p

Dante