That stuff I wrote last week about fighting to keep her in my life... the truth is, it was unrealistic.

Realistically, I've already lost her as a LGF.

If there is any relationship at all after the end of this week, it will only dissolve over the following months.

My LGF and I... she was my first ever, we've definitely had our share of ups and downs.

I recall how our first exchanges were so effortless and playful. She became so fond of me in a matter of days... meanwhile, I had already developed some sort of small crush on her, and my affections for her began to deepen until, eventually, I considered myself completely in love with her.

We became attached. There were days when she literally did not leave my side for the entire time. I was swimming in Girl Love. At some point I began offering up small affirmations of our closeness, which she would accept and even return... so many wonderful, precious memories were made in this way. This period - which lasted several months - was absolute bliss. Never before had I experienced such an overwhelming sense of happiness in my life.

...Unfortunately, all good things come to pass.

Some loves are lost to men in uniforms claiming to know better than us. Other loves are lost in more subtle ways. In this case, my own jealousy and negativity have left my love bruised, almost - but not quite - beyond recognition.

I became disappointed when our relationship reached its contextual limit. My disappointment turned into depression, and let's just say my brooding did not go unnoticed by her.

Things got weird....

She began interacting with me less and less (not that I blame her, the state I was in). I grew jealous of the time she was now spending with others, which only made things worse.

She was pushing away, quite clearly so. I was holding on, and our interactions were becoming stale and awkward. This was an extremely painful time for me.

It's important to note, however, that through all of this, a foundation of closeness still existed... and still exists.

And once in a while, it shows....

We'll spend some time together when the right opportunity presents itself, and it shows then....

Occasionally there will be a brief period of time (lasting a couple days) when we are just particularly affectionate towards one another, and it shows then....

And I'm still her unspoken protector - whenever she's in trouble, whenever she just REALLY needs someone, I'm still the one she goes to, and I'm still the one who drops everything to look after her. It shows then.

To be fair, a lot of the negative stuff I described above is two, three, four, even five months in the past, and things have gotten a lot better since I got my act together and started giving her some space.

But in the end, I am still left with a very altered relationship, and I no longer feel confident calling her my LGF.

She doesn't love me anymore... not like she used to.

It's time to let this one go.

Right?

From what I've written here, wouldn't you agree?

(Because I really don't have a choice.)

Thank you GC for helping me get through this.

(Bring on the depression.)

- Rainbow

P.S. Once I beat the impending depression, I do plan on working hard to become a better person so that the next time I have a LGF, I'll be able to cope with it much better.

P.P.S. Please remember that I am young, and that she was my very first LGF. I will get better a dealing with my emotions.

P.P.P.S. That rainbowloom bracelet she made me is totally going to be my pedo token for life.