had em since I was a little boy left alone in a big apartment whilst the parentals were out drinkin n dancin. Haven't had one in a couple years but had a doozy last nite. The kind where you don't want to leave the safety of the covers come morning; a vague feeling that there is danger everywhere.

And it turns out there IS. Early morning thoughts are twisted by these dream destroyers. It was so clear suddenly that no one, probably in the history of man, is happy with this world. The pursuit of happiness is futile; we never quite get there. Not to say it's not worth trying.

Ahh, but children. Certainly they are happy at times. They can be sooo damn happy that it bubbles out of them in glorious giggles and huge smiles. Maybe that is at the heart of my attraction to them. The sexual part goes along for the ride just because it's there and I don't push it away. It seems like it belongs there; a human thing.

Anyway, sorry to interrupt Luka's having the board all to himself. It's true of course since he has to answer his own posts. Hi Luka. Don't stop. It is cracking me up. And yes, of course, I am touching myself right now. Ha.

May the bluebird of happiness fly up your . . . (you chose the orifice). At least we can catch glimpses of that childhood memory of happiness in small, fleeting glimpses. I am thankful for that.

Oh, and Markaba, you know I am old (and ugly because of it in your words) but it has not been a problem for me. The really little girls look me straight in the eyes without any apparent revulsion and the bigger girls close their eyes and sigh lightly as I brush their hair from their eyes. That makes me happy for a few minutes.

Luv to y'all