I... am not your psychiatrist. :)

I became obsessed with things like germs, and had to eat off paper plates and plastic silverware.

...but that probably qualifies you for a diagnosis of OCD.

I think i have an inlcination to paranoia, or some schizoid tendencies, because Im always thinking there is deeper meaning to everything. guess i just need to relax more. anyways, the thing about predicting how she will feel... id just feel horrible if i caused any type of pain to a child so although my ideas may be dense or unfounded, they are there to possibly serve a purpose.

Similarly, your depressive tendancies tend to follow a brooding, obsessive focus in which intrusive, dysphoric thoughts, often of doom and gloom, interject on the basis of fear rather than other basis.

When i was about 8 years old...

Puberty is a time of change in lipophilic processing, and while at the root of it, testosterone and estrogen are made from cholesterol, as a fairly immediate intermediary, they (or progesterone, if I recall) are made from cortisol.

The corticosteroids are known mostly for drastically increasing glutamergic neurotoxicity, which is heavily implicated in the exact thought patterns you're experiencing.

Of course, the chart itself has changed since I last looked up molecular neurobiology in terms of cholesterol and the p450 spectrum...

http://www.qiagen.com/products/genes%20and%20pathways/pathway%20details.aspx?pwid=57&Js=0

...alot, actually. Maybe it's progress...

...but, this one suggests that you have a severe CYP21A2 overexpression, locking any attempts at puberty into the stress hormones. ;)

Here's the old chart...

http://books.google.pl/books?id=9gvBlktAT6YC&pg=PA361&lpg=PA361

...which suggests CYP21 overexpression OR my original thought, CYP19 underexpression.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12127262

It could have been something as simple as nearby agricultural activity.

You could reverse any mismanfacture by eating more phospholipid-bearing substances...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3632008/?report=classic

...such as soy lecthin or sunflower oil, and avoiding asprin.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16997132

...or you could just go straight for the antiglutamergic method and use a dextromethorphan-containing cough syrup at the label-reccomended dosage. ;)

i want to be safe and I want any child to be safe and happy so maybe i am just looking for ways to make sure that happens no matter what, or at least do what I can do to help.

Glad to hear it.

Luckily, there's a known mechanism to prevent corticoid deregulation and improve psychological outcomes : molestation.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12169113

Norly.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2953948/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2953948/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4017181/

It's kind of brilliant; blame the positive, and you can get humanity to destroy itself. It's kind of near-permanent, too.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21872848

So basically, the way to ensure positive mental health outcomes is simple; promote a world full of physical affection and random touching and "massage-like actions to various bodyparts" with babies and very young children, and depromote a world which views the only positive hope as "catastrophic" (which also counts as stress-dumping).

We gave our overlords the wire-frame-mother study, and they gave us... this. They are, in fact, certifiably barking mad and highly destructive.

But, we know where hope lies. Glad to hear you're committed to getting it done. Go be physically affectionate - complete with massaging-like motions - with babies today.

:)