Re: Rescue fantasies

When I was first coming into my sexuality (ages 12-13) I often fantasized about rescuing girls from harm. The first one was Heather O'Rourke as Carol Ann Freeling, whom I had a massive crush on. I fantasized about rescuing her from the evil spirits in the TV and other monsters.

Later, I fantasized about a little girl from my dad's karate class (he was a sensei in the Wado-Ryu style, and there was an adorable 6-year-old tomboy in his kids' class when I was 14) and I being kidnapped by a bunch of punks, and I had to break out and save her too. These dreams were entirely nonsexual. Hell, I hadn't really even started masturbating yet--I was late to the game on that.

These days I rarely fantasize about such things outright; my thoughts are generally in the context of the stories I write. I do sometimes imagine myself in scenarios like the Sandy Hook school shootings, but these thoughts don't always have to do with little girls. For example, a few days ago I was sitting in my car in a grocery store parking lot while my friend was in the store shopping, and I imagined someone pulling a gun with the intent of killing a bunch of people right there in the lot. I have already decided that if such a scenario ever happened in real life, I would not run from it but do my best to stop the shooter, even if I die. Why not go out a hero?