Arriving on the Mayflower, Jebediah Eeyore.. Smith... plowed many a field, allowing many pilgrims to plant a marginally nutritious plant by the name of corn.

Not to be confused with the marginal historically successful band Korn, though I did hook up once with a blond teen girl obsessed with the band Korn, who owned a snake and was obsessed with Runes for some reason, and somehow secured her own apartment prior to being 18 due to some dead parental inheritance thing.

She found me funny online and somehow attractive. We both loved Gumby. She demanded to meet me, arriving in overalls with Gumby in hand. Drop dead gorgeous blond who cared not a bit about her own looks. So creative, telling me how done she was with the drama from her same-age friends.

I was left so curious. I am nearly certain she went on to a music career. I was older and I made her laugh. She loved that. I was still naive back then. And I still miss her. Among many other wonderful younger girls, who have passed before me before I ever knew how to calculate how special they were. 20/20 hindsight always.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Oh, Jebediah Eeyore Smith's great-great-grandson went on to be the star player at a major petting zoo. He also claimed to be related to the wife of poet Robert Frost, though the DNA results are still pending.

Turkey, stuffing, and cranberry taste good.

But Cranberry was a troll here.

I have finally resolved this obstacle and can confidently affirm that I still love cranberry sauce. It's yummy.