Little Anna and the Land of Chidult

“Are we almost there Daddy,” asked the little girl. Little Anna, a
peppy, cute,  third grader, was on summer vacation and she was going to
spend two weeks camping with her parents. They had carefully packed all
the needed supplies, even Anna’s favorite American Girl doll. “Stop
whining. You knew it would be a long ride. Now shut up and stop
complaining,” scolded her father. “But, Daddy, I have to go pee,” whined
the child. “For God’s sake, I told you to go before we left the house.
But, NO, you just don’t listen!” scolded her father. “Now Jim,”
interjected his wife, “Anna’s just a little girl. She has to go more
than once every five hours. As a matter of fact, I could use a comfort
stop myself. How far did you say this place was anyhow?”

Suddenly, the man, now angry at the two females in his car, saw a
narrow, dirt road and turned onto it. Green trees lined both sides of
the road, which was bumpy, and filled potholes. It seemed much darker
now, as the sun was mostly hidden by the tops of the thick foliage.
“DAAAD! I really gotta go!” “OK you little brat, but there will be
consequences for this”, muttered the father, now red with anger as he
stopped the car and let the child out.. He really hated to stop once he
was on the road and this angered him no end that his daughter, who he
had always wished was a boy anyhow, had not listened to him and gone to
the bathroom before they left the house.

Little  Anna ran over to the nearest tree, pulled down her little blue
shorts and pink underpants, and squatted. Soon a steady stream of yellow
rivulets splashed down, turning what was dry ground into an odorous,
muddy puddle. Although Anna HAD gone to the bathroom before she and her
family left the house, just as she was told to do by her stern dad, her
eight year old bladder was quite full. After about 30 seconds, Anna
heard, “How long is this going to take? I want to fish in the big lake
sometime today! Let’s GO you little brat!” Still, Anna knew she had not
yet finished and was quite determined to do so no matter how long it
took.

Finally, she was done. Perplexed at how she was to wipe herself without
any toilet paper, she shouted over to her mom, “Mommy, can you get the
toilet paper out of the suitcase for me? Mommy? MOMMY!”

But, there was no answer. Then Anna saw a hand reaching around the tree.
The hand was holding a roll of toilet paper and not just any toilet
paper either. This roll had cartoon characters printed all over it. Anna
took the roll and politely said, “Thanks.” Quickly, the little girl tore
off five sheets of Rug Rats, Scooby Doo, and Powderpuff Girls and,
wiping just as mother had taught her when she was only a “little” girl,
cleaned herself from front to back. She remembered Mommy telling her
that it was B-A-A-A-D to get any poopies into her ’gina.”

Pulling up her pants, Little Anna started back to the car.

When she got to the side of the road, she stopped, her mouth wide open
in shock,  as her little blue eyes became as large as saucers. The car
looked  VERY different! In fact, she was sure that this was not her
family’s car at all. This car was pink, with a top like two cling
peaches laid side by side, and the body of a hot dog.  “Oh no! Where is
Mommy and Daddy? And WHO is in that car?” cried the now very startled
and shocked Anna.

Having the curiosity of a child, she slowly inched closer and closer to
the vehicle, eventually mustering enough courage to peek into the
window, which had now shrunk into small slits, just barely big enough to
see through. “Hello Anna,” said a gentle voice. “We’ve been waiting for
you. Get in the car.” “NOOOO!” shouted the child, becoming more and more
frightened. She remembered what her Mommy had told her about strangers
and how they would kidnap and murder little girls if they went with
them. She wanted her Mommy and even wanted her Daddy now, although he
was never too nice to her. “It’s  ok,” said the voice, reassuringly. “We
are not really strangers. Didn’t I already know your name?” “I want to
know what you did with my Mommy and Daddy! This is not our car, and
besides, it looks really silly. Who ever heard of peaches on top of a
hot dog? Daddy would ground me for the rest of my life if I got in with
you,” stammered the child.

Then, the door opened and out walked a thin man, with big bushy
eyebrows, wearing nothing but a tall pointy hat and a blue robe, with
Disney characters all over it. In his hand he had a clear round ball,
that he held out for Anna to see. “Look into this ball Anna. Tell me
what you see.” The child, slowly walked over to the man and took the
ball that he offered. “Mommy! Daddy! What are you doing in this ball?
Mommy? Can you hear me?” “No Anna. They cannot hear you. You see, they
are not allowed here at all. When your parents drove down this road,
they sealed their fate…and yours. There are only two kinds of people
allowed here; children and child lovers. Your parents, unfortunately,
are neither. They have been transported back to their own dimension,
but we are powerless to send YOU back until you grow up. But, don’t
worry, you will be taken care of and have a long and happy childhood
here. It’ll be ok, you’ll see. Now, we really must be going. Get in the
Glovemobile and I’ll take you to your new home.

Anna once again looked into the glass ball. There she could see her dad
and mom at the camp site where they were all going to vacation together.
Dad was fishing and laughing, while Mom was cooking something on the
campfire. They didn’t seem to even miss her. A tear welled up in the
little third grader’s eye and she said, “They don’t even care that I’m
here and not camping with them. O.k. I’ll go with you. I guess I have no
other choice”.

Inside the Glovemobile, Anna was sitting on a seat shaped like a pony.
She look around in amazement. She couldn’t help but  notice the dark
brown steering wheel, shaped like a chocolate Easter bunny, the cd
player, which looked like her American Girl doll and was playing her
favorite song “Who Let the Dogs Out“, and a little brown box on top of
her pony seat’s head. “Wow!” gasped Anna. “ This is some car! What’s in
the box?” “Open it and find out,”  answered the man softly. “And, oh
yeah, who are you? I mean, what is your name?” “They call me Pedyshere,
the wizard of Chidult”. “M’kay. I’ll just call you Petey, cuz your name
sounds like ’Peteyshere ’. ” “That will be fine Anna. Now, why don’t you
open the box and find out what’s in it?”

Anna could wait no longer. Her little hands went to the top of the box
and slowly lifted up the cover. “Aw, it’s just a dumb old sandwich!”
said the child disappointedly.” “JUST a sandwich? JUST… a sandwich?!? Go
on, take a bite. I know you are hungry.” She couldn’t help but open the
top slice of bread before she ate any of it. What was in this sandwich
that made Petey think it was SO special anyways? Nothing! There was
NOTHING in it! It was just two pieces of white bread. Sigh! Well, she
was really hungry so she took a bite anyway. As she chewed, Anna
couldn’t believe the taste. It was the best taste she had ever eaten.
“Yum“, she said. This bread is really good. How do you make it taste so
good without putting anything else in it? I was kinda hoping for peanut
butter and jelly, but this is really YUMMY!” “Things are not always what
they seem Anna,” smiled the wizard as he pulled into a small driveway,
with short, stubby bushes on both sides of it.

“NEATO!” shouted Anna with glee. “Those bushes have lollypops growing on
them!” “Yup. And the leaves are made of candy too,” laughed the wizard.
“ Did you notice the steering wheel of the Glovemobile was made of
chocolate? You can eat it after we stop if you want.” “ Yay!” giggled
the excited child. Understandably, with  everything that had already
happened to her today, she completely forgot to eat the chocolate
steering wheel.

Soon, the two of them were walking down a golden pathway and heading for
a palace made of  what looked like ice cream. “This is my house and your
new home Anna. It is all made of a special kind of  ice cream,”
explained the wizard. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

They entered through a small door, shaped like Spongebob Squarepants. It
was just the right size for the little 4 foot 5 inch tall Anna, but
“Petey” had to duck to get inside. Once inside, they were greeted by two
children, a boy, who looked to be about ten years old,  and a girl, who
was eight, like Anna. For the second time today, the little third
grader’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Stuttering, just as she
did when she first spoke to “Petey” she said, “B..b…but…they’re not
wearing any clothes! They’re  all nakey..” and then she giggled
uncontrollably and blushed, her face  turning a bright crimson color.
“Yes Anna, they are not wearing clothes. The children here are free to
do whatever they like. If Ashley and Robbie don’t feel like putting on
clothes, or if they feel like taking them off, they just go ahead and do
it. It’s ok. The grown ups here just want our children to be happy. Free
children are happy children, and happy children are nice people.”

Two more people came into the room. They were both adults; one man and
one woman, and both were dressed in ordinary attire. “Can they get nakey
too,” asked Anna. “Not without  permission from the children of the
house,” answered the wiz. “You see Anna, unlike where you come from, the
children rule here.  The grown ups have to ask permission before doing
anything that might scare, embarrass, or even disappoint a child. We are
here to take care of you and to make sure you are happy and safe. Now,
come on in and let’s show you around the house.” “The PALACE you mean,”
retorted Anna. “To us, it’s just a house,” answered Robbie
matter-of-factly.

When Anna turned and looked back over at the wizard, Pedyshere was gone.
She now felt alone,  although she was still in the company of Robbie,
Ashley, and two grownups she had never met before. Once again, the child
began to get an uneasy feeling. “Petey” was the only person she had
actually known since mysteriously arriving in the land of Chidult,  so
she suddenly felt a little abandoned once again.

Taking Anna by the hand,  Ashley began to lead her down a pretty pink
corridor and soon into a small room, all painted white. It was furnished
with child sized chairs, decorated with comics strip characters, and
outfitted with thick, soft cushions. They were followed by Robbie and
the two adults. Whispering softly into her new friend’s ear, Anna asked,
“What are the grownups’ names?” “Oh, you mean, ’Homer and Marge?’
”laughed the little naked blond girl.  Anna also laughed, thinking it
was funny but, VERY silly to call them “Homer” and “Marge”, the
Simpson’s characters. Anna sat down and looked at the two grownups.

“Yikes!” exclaimed Anna. “They ARE Homer and Marge!” Anna didn’t know
how they did it, but the two adults had been transformed  into Homer and
Marge Simpson. “Let’s go Homey,” said Marge sweetly. “We want to let the
kids get to know each other better and I think we are just in the way.”
“D’oh!” replied Homer. “O.k. Hmmm.  I don’t think that little girl could
eat the whole steering wheel of the Glovemobile by herself… Mmmmmm!
Steering wheels…”

“Does everything you wish for come true?” asked Anna. “Not everything,”
sighed Ashley. I sometimes think of my mom and my little brother and
wish they were here with me, but that never comes true. Pedyshere says
that’s the one thing we can’t wish for cuz they are in a different
dimension. The magic only works here in Chidult, NOT in the other
world.” “Yeah”,  Robbie chimed in. I sometimes wish I could go back for
a visit,  but I wouldn’t ever really want to live there again. It’s too
cool here!  I do miss my folks sometimes though.” “I wonder why they
don’t let our parents live here with us,” questioned Anna. “Well, that’s
because they always tell us what to do and mostly don’t really
understand us. They just can’t help it. They think they have to make us
act like them or something,” answered the boy. “Besides,  our parents
could NEVER get used to kids being the boss. If I ever got naked in
front of people at my house, my mom would…” “…KILL ME,” laughed Anna,
finishing the sentence for the ten year old. “Yeah, I guess it is pretty
cool here all right. Do you think we could make Homer and Marge get
naked too,” giggled  Anna mischievously. “That’s a piece of cake,”
answered Ashley. “All we gotta do is tell them to do it and they will
have to strip completely buck naked, right in front of us. Do you want
to go find them and make them do it?” “YEAH!” shouted Anna, her heart
pounding fast at the prospect of playing so naughty a game, without the
fear of punishment. “Let’s go make old Homer say ’D’oh’ when we tell him
to get nakey in front of us! “And Marge too,” added Robbie. “I’m going
to put on my clothes first,” said Ashley. “I want to see them, but they
don’t get to see me. It’ll be fun to be unfair to them and watch them be
embarrassed.” “’k,” answered Robbie. “I’ll put mine back on too.”

All three children, now dressed in shorts and tee shirts, made their way
down to the Glovemobile, where, just as they suspected, Homer was busy
eating the chocolate steering wheel. Marge was sitting quietly on a
white bench and humming softly as she knit. She was content to wait
quietly for her husband’s voracious appetite for chocolate steering
wheels to be satiated. “Hi kids,” greeted Marge warmly, when she saw the
children. Looking at Ashley and Robbie, the blue haired cartoon
character said, ”I noticed that you two have decided to wear your
clothes again. That’s nice.” Then turning to Anna she asked, “Have you
been having a good time here Anna?” “Yeah, but I’m going to have an even
better time now,” smiled Anna. As she spoke, she noticed a shadowy
figure coming towards them. She soon recognized it as the wizard,
Pedyshere.

“Anna, I have a few more things to tell you about life here in Chidult.
Would you all excuse us for a few minutes? Anna and I have to talk.”
“But I don’t want to talk NOW!” said Anna, stamping her feet. “I want
to…”  Before she could finish her sentence, the child found herself
transported to the chambers of the wizard. “I thought you said children
were the boss here Petey,” shouted Anna angrily at the wizard. “Yes I
did Anna, but there is something  you need to know before you do the one
thing that gets you in trouble here. You see, Chidult is a place where
the happiness of children is the law of the land. And, if you really
want to see Marge and Homer naked, you may. But, if you embarrass them,
cause them any pain, discomfort, or  sadness due to a selfish act on
your part, then you will be turned into a grown up for a whole year. If
you act like an adult from your dimension, you will lose the privilege
of childhood here, and be subject to the same laws as the adults in this
land. You can indeed have and do anything you want, but you must not
intentionally hurt or cause suffering to another; and that includes
cartoons as well as people. Any act of meanness will be dealt with in
this manner. Do you understand?” “Yeah, I guess so. It is kinda mean to
make the Simpsons strip naked if they don’t want to. I was embarrassed
when I had to let my uncle see me pee once because Mommy said I was only
a child and Uncle Tom was a grown up so he could do anything he wanted.
I got punished when I yelled at him ‘cuz of it. He walked right in the
bathroom when I was sitting on the toilet. And he even stood there,
waiting and looking, while I wiped myself and everything. I was SO
embarrassed that I went up to my room and cried for an hour.  Gross! Now
I hate him, and my Mommy too for letting him do that.” Well, Anna, I
hope you will think about what you wish for carefully while you are
here, and treat the grown ups the way you wanted to be treated when you
were living at home.” “I will Petey, I promise,” and with that, Little
Anna wrapped her arms around the man, kissed him on the cheek, and
hugged him tightly.

Slowly she walked back to the Glovemobile,  where her new friends, eight
year old Ashley and ten year old Robbie were.  As she approached them,
sighed knowingly at what she saw. Instead of two children and Marge and
Homer, she saw Lisa and Bart Simpson and two adults; one a blond woman
with a big butt and fat legs, and the other, a balding man with a pot
belly, both of whom were totally naked. “You did it, didn’t you. You
made them strip and get embarrassed. Sorry you didn’t remember the
punishment for acting mean. I guess you will have to be grownups for one
whole year. Well, I will do something nice for you now. You can have
your clothes back and NOT be embarrassed anymore. After you have
finished getting dressed, can you make us some lunch. I’m awfully
hungry.”

Little Anna thought she would really enjoy living in Chidult, if she
could only remember the ONE rule children have to follow. Then, she
laughed at the thought of being a fat old grown up like Ashley and
Robbie. She only laughed for a second or two though, being very careful
to keep it a “silent” laugh, and making sure that the two “grownups“
did not see it.

                    The End