the police regularly visit my home...

but i never let them in.

recently they've taken to shouting through the letterbox - "hello HELLO!! mr aaaa, can you open the door, please; PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!!" - but i just ignore them.

after about half-an hour of knocking and shouting they go away.

i don't know what the neighbours think about it.

luckily the cops don't know my phone numbers (subscribed under false name) or i suppose they'd be be ringing me up at all hours of the day and night.

i don't know what the legal position is.

although i'm on the sex offenders register - i'm disinclined to engage in long chit-chats with officers from the local child protection unit.

if i ever do have to let them in, i shall give them tea with Xtra-strong laxative tabs dissolved in the teapot.