Reply to Siva, Bolm, Theo, GM + general ramble

One of my problems here is that I do not have time to keep up with the
board, so I read things in fits and starts, and am usually a few days
behind. So I see something that I want to comment on, but it is already
way down the board or in the archives.

I also just found that you can't search anymore unless you are
registered. I just wanted to search for my previous posts to see if
anyone had replied. I'll have to just browse the archives. So just
browsing back through the last week or two's archives and commenting on
things that catch my eye...

I absolutely love reading the posts by Siva. I remember seeing you on a
couple of older boards that are not around any more and thinking what a
wonderful person you seemed to be. You really stood out. Your cheerful
posts about whatever you've been up to lately always radiate happiness
and make me feel warm and like good things can happen in the
world--rather like being out on a hike and unexpectedly finding a pretty
butterfly among the grasses. So thank you for posting on GC nowadays.

Concerning Bolm's post about nudism, I am not a female nor a little
girl, but personally I can find no rational objection to being nude, or
wearing clothes. In principle, it would not concern me in any way if
photographs of me existed whether nude or not, and I don't think this
would be different if I was a young girl or a woman. It would also not
concern me what anyone did with such photographs so long as it did not
adversely affect me. As to the subject of little girls, you described my
own feelings about their beauty very well. I actually find it somewhat
offensive when people seem to imply that there is something "dirty" or
"wrong" about the human body and that it therefore must be covered up. I
think this erroneously shameful or guilty feeling that many people have
about themselves is the cause of many problems.

As to Theo's question of how I found GC, that got me thinking. The frank
answer is that I cannot remember. It was a few years ago (my life moves
so fast at the moment it feels like ages ago, but it may be about 5
years) and my memory doesn't seem to be that good. I can't even think
how I might have found GC. Maybe via a search engine, but I can't
imagine what I would have been searching for--it was probably largely by
chance that I stumbled across it. I don't think it was clear to me then
that there were other people like me around. I do remember that at the
time, reading GC (although I was too afraid to post anything) was a
great revelation to me and a very positive one. I think the timing
roughly coincided with when I realized that the reason I had an ache in
my heart was because I needed children to love, and since getting less
shy about such things I have never looked back (it sure has been hard
work though getting over my reserved nature).

Another poster whom I look forward to reading, curiously enough, is
jd420. I notice he does not seem to have been around much lately,
though. I hope he hasn't gone away or anything.

There are many others whose posts I always like to read, so rather than
giving more names I guess I just want to thank everyone here for posting
about your lives, about issues that are interesting to me and the
occasional silly joke to lighten up the mood. I have to say that GC has
been very helpful to me over the years, and so to make up for all that
time I have never posted and contributed, I just want to say "thanks."

One of the things I love about being with children is that they are so
accepting. Actually that is a funny thing to say, thinking about it,
since they can also be extremely un-accepting among themselves. But
certainly the younger ones, they do not really care what you look like
or your social standing--they are just direct and like you or dislike
you based on your actions. I guess that is one of the things I miss from
adult society. Like for instance, when I am collecting an 8 year-old boy
I know from school, which I do very occasionally, I am just instantly
accepted into whatever game they are all having and find myself racing
around the playground being chased by 7-, 8- and 9-year olds and having
the time of my life. They don't seem to notice or care that I am twice
as tall as they are and have a beard. But they still realize I am an
adult and when they want help going across the higher bars on the
playground they look to me. It is such a wonderful feeling helping a
child cross the bars on the playground and seeing how proud and happy
she is when she reaches the other side "almost on her own."

I use the word child because for me this feeling is the same with all
children, boys or girls, but there is something special about the girls.
I think Lews Carroll said it all when he wrote, "I love all children,
except for boys." Maybe that is a bit strong. I deeply cherish the
friendships I have with boys and girls, but I guess I can only fall in
love with the little girls.

Oftentimes it is after most of the children have gone home that the more
personal interactions take place. Like one time there was a wispy little
girl of about 7 on the playground whom I have never seen before, wearing
a yellow T-shirt, and when the other children have mostly disappeared
off home or to join some ball game that is going on and I am sitting
down getting my breath, she says to me out of the blue, "pick me up."
She is lying there on her back on one of the platforms on the playground
just gazing up at the sky. So I lean over and pick her up, and she
clings onto me and then I manouvre her onto my back and give her a
piggy-back ride around the playground. Then she sees some boys trying to
climb up a pole over the other side of the field, so we go over there to
see what they are doing, and she is just happy clinging to my neck and
making odd comments about this or that. I tell her we should probably be
getting back, and I piggy-back her back over to the playground and it
turns out her mum is sitting on the bench waiting to pick her up, but
she wants to stay on my back so I take her over there and sit her down
on the bench by her mum and sit next to her, and she just leans against
me and puts her arm around my shoulder and says, "he is my friend." So I
say hello to the mum who makes some apology about her daughter. Parents
are always so apologetic about their children. As if piggy-backing her
daughter around the playground was any trouble to me!

I don't know whether that counts as a proper GM, but there it is, just a
long ramble really about what I enjoy. It makes me happy to recollect
such moments.

So that is a bit more about me and what I think about things--I hope
some of it has been of interest to someone and, and if you are not bored
to death yet, I would love to hear anything you might have to say about
what I've talked about here.