Confoozled ( an AGM )

Like sunshine on a cloudy day, Sarah dropped by my work and said, "Hi."

This close to X-mas retail is becoming a little slice of Hell. Fortunately the trauma has its own reward in the form of long-term memory loss. I know I was there for over 8 hours, but the fleeting glimpse of Sarah is about all I recall of the day :)

I'm glad to see that my lanky freckled Tomboy hasn't started wearing make-up or dressing in skirts now that she's away at college. I feel that there's hope that she will be one of the lucky ones who can grow older and wiser without growing "up."

However I still feel like a doof. I have no relationship with this bright spark except when I see her at my workplace. I didn't know that she was old enough to ask out for a date ( without societal complications ) until she announced she was leaving for college.

Aww heck. I've got too many pathetic excuses.

Anywho, I checked out Sarah's Facebook page. OMG, she's got umpty-Godzillion friends. Me, I've got a dozen.

This holds true with what I've seen of her around others. Sarah radiates warmth and friendship to all around. She knows everyone. And here I am; someone who cultivates close friendships about two at a time.

Part of me wonders if she likes me. When she's around I feel like I'm alive for the first time. But I see her similarly friendly with others. And while I feel no jealousy, I feel less like an actor in the spotlight and more like a passing freighter temporarily in the path of a lighthouse's sweeping beam. Its hard to know if the warmth I feel is because I'm me, because I'm one of her many admirers or whether its solely a reflection of the energy I project at her when she makes me light up.

Though its some consolation that Beatrice was also a social butterfly. Every anime-geek freshman boy at her high-school had a crush on Beatrice and I felt much the same. But in the end it was Dante who captured her 13 year old heart.

But 20 years later and I still feel unsure if'n a girl or young lady doesn't lay my head open with a baseball bat as a subtle proof of her interest.

Hopefully Sarah will drop by again between the end of seasonal retail-Hell and the resumption of her studies. Dante needs to work on his tan ;p

Dante